is this just yet another rant of mine???

i never thought or could have preempted that growing up and being an adult would be this difficult and at times torturous...i have no idea why i would have thought otherwise..guess it was ma childlike innocence and naivety that made me think otherwise...when you take your first step you have someone holding you to help you balance..but when you take your first real step into this adult world there is no one to support you or no one out there holding his arms out ready to hold you lest you fall, give a big warm hug and tell you that 'hey its OK!!!we take it one step at a time'...maybe expecting this again is being childlike...as a child i was worried about ma basic needs...today i am worried about how to support ma basic needs..fair enough..but along with genuine worries such as the same, i have worries about what the world around me thinks of me, have i done ma job well enough to earn myself the reward of a promotion, do i have the necessary brands in ma wardrobe that raises me in the eyes of the world at large, a world that forgets to even notice the person wrapped up in such superficial accolades...i would understand if you stop to think as you are reading this whether i am over analysing the stimuli around me...perhaps i am...yet i do wish i had some of these questions answered...as a kid loneliness could have been an alien from a planet yet to be unearthed for all i cared...today it sticks by me like we are best pals...as a kid people around me made me happy...today they make me wary, keeping me alert pondering over what their next move is and what are their intentions...this world out here is so harsh and cold that the thought of staying isolated away from people in an igloo somewhere up the north pole would make me feel warmer than i do sitting in this tropical country...i do understand that it isn't all bad as i seem to be making of it...but life has bestowed on me some very harsh lessons that fail me in appreciating the good that happens...i have indeed grown to be the woman i am today, come into my own and even get strong enough that i possibly could support a multitude of people emotionally, but i always wonder where does that leave me?where do i go from here on?i dunno and i dunno why...