it's diwali time and for some me time ;)))))

it's diwali tomorrow...the festival of lights...and lottsa lights in my life seem to have been switched off, but the lighting is so purrrfect now, i couldn't have asked for something better...i guess earlier the lights were blinding me..now they are dim, comfortable to ma beautiful eyes and guess what?i can still see!!!i see with better clarity actually...hmmm so what have i seen?for starters am able to see better why being single actually rocks...i mean i have all those 'blah' moments and moments of such intense loneliness that i could actually put ma hand around it's shoulder and offer my support...that's all the honesty you getting...anyways these moments are few, though not far between...the perks of being single?i can take my own sweet time to do what i want...seriously, and i get to do what i want...i can sit at a cafe...reading a book with ma i-pod plugged securely in ma otherwise negligible ears...and exchange a few coy glances if god is kind enough to send in a good looking male specimen-also waiting for someone...hmmm and that someone is most often than not his girlfriend and considering its my life we are talking about, don't be surprised if that someone actually turns out to be his wife...
i was reliving through all my past relationships and this is what i realized...at the risk of hurting the men and probably being cursed, i have to admit on world wide web that not even one of those has been a real relationship...not one...i was really bored i guess...and i badly badly wanted to experience this 'phenomenon' called relationship...considering it happened at the tender age of 21 for me, i would also like to honor myself with another label-desperate...guess i was desperate to be in a relationship...and am so pissed with my girlfriends...i mean for just this one moment...why the fuck on earth didn't you tell me that being in a relationship really ain't my cup of tea?i mean you guys were my friends(please ignore the switch in gender with the word 'guys')...and u continued to support me through the entire process of me skillfully digging my own grave...
one of my biggest issues is that i get bored easily...my mind can never stay put on one focal point...it has to keep processing all the time...sometimes i get spooked by the way my memory is such a great bank of varied incidents, people, situations, emotions and details...i don't even remember taking them in consciously...they just happen to be there...so am thinking that i might be happy with a man who either works for Gemini circus or one who just chooses to exist, who once a month shows that side to him which might be jis side when he chooses to live and not merely exist...i guess such a man will help me get used to boredom...
i wonder though if it might be of any help to me because am quite the compulsive flirt...it comes as naturally as breathing to me...but thankfully so far, i have had rave reviews about my style...not trying to sound conceited but seriously i love to flirt and i think the men i choose to flirt with enjoy it as well...
oh if u looking for some guidelines just go and google 'how to flirt'...i was curious one day and tried googling and you wont believe the number of pages that are lying out there in that cyber space at your disposal...it's total fun...lil research i did for you guys...there are 7,340,000 hits there wait to be researched upon...try this wiki website out...has the abc's of flirting and has links to loads more of information...i think this might have you all blessing me...i need them badly...and if you want some visual instructions you can even youtube them...see it's just a few clicks away ;)
anyways me gonna bid adieu...need to finish a book am reading and then finish the five others have been simultaneously reading as well...
i have such separation anxiety when i finish reading a book, that i just keep reading a new book each day...so now am reading six of 'em...sometimes am worried for my emotional and mental health...ok that's all for now...hasta luega mi amores...

i have no idea what this is about...

what was i thinking?or more like i just wasn't thinking...ma previous post...i haven't been able to go through it myself...seriously i wonder what kinda torture i must have put the very few of you who visit ma blog and try and read ma rambling...it started off as something and it ended up as something completely different that reads weird and pathetic even to me...so what went wrong?i dunno...i guess it's just the usual confused me who decided to go on a roller coaster ride of self pity...

the above five lines were written god knows when and here i am back to write some more...and once again i have successfully gone blank...that word reminds me...i was once asked to talk for two whole minutes on 'blank white paper'...now don't even ask me what i said...i have no idea...it was so surreal because the topic made lil sense to me and add to that a triple serving of heavy duty nervousness and tension...guess i was more focused on trying to reduce the rate at which i was sweating and hoping as hell that my carefully washed hair didn't go limp with all the sweet sweating that was happening...i guess madonna's current tour is called 'sticky and sweet' or 'sweet and sticky'...wait lemme find out....
got it...it's the sticky and sweet tour...some info just incase u wanna read about it...
anyways why was i talking abt her?yea i remember...she came up with that in 2008 at 50...guess wat?i didnt do the whole tour thing but i already knew what it was to be sticky and sweet at 19 i guess...and what was worse about the whole practical examination?here i was supposed to exhibit my skills at verbalising and articulating ambiguous ideas...but the only kind of articulation that happened was in my head and that too it was totally visual...coming from the land of all kinds of wood---i mean bollywood, tollywood, kollywood, tollywood and sandalwood (nah not that expensive aromatic tree bark, instead the kannada film industry is what am referring to), there i was visualizing yards and yards of white fabric falling around me...soft and fluid...almost flowing around me...this divine beauty created by just yards of fabric flowing and falling around...it was so beautiful that for once i was speechless because i had created beauty in the true sense of the term (at least for me) in my head and not speechless because i was intellectually challenged you know!!!
as much as i would like to believe that one day i would be able to recreate the beauty that created that hot and sticky and of course sweet afternoon, i have two fears that kinda stop it from happening...hmmm i dont think they are fears actually...but anyways one is no way in the world am i gonna have so much money to get that much fabric flowing around me..second i dont know if i would be able to achieve the perfection in realizing it...i dont want to for the life of me spoil the beauty i still hold as a mental picture...
now am thinking what to think?this country music am listening to is calming ma otherwise fraught ANS (autonomic nervous system, there u go with some info on science)...music is miraculous when it comes to me and ma moods...i put cats to shame when it comes to being tempramental and music is the only thing that can ever get to me...man i knw what to write in ma next post...wait n watch out for info on how life is when u are a human who puts cat to shame...no am not -----------...wanna know wat?click on it, duh!!!!until then------------