I, ME AND MA QUIRKS- TA DA!!!!

guess it's the world aishu blog day today or rather was yesterday and continues today...little confused with the time factor?ok...lemme try and help you out with this one though am no genius when it comes to temporal concepts...you see its 4.11Am 23/July/08 and i haven't slept a wink since i got up at 10.10AM on the 22/July/08...so ma tuesday has smoothly flowed into ma wednesday and ma wednesday still feels like yesterday...hmmm guess thats how clear and rational ma thinking is at this hour of the morning ;) the birds were chirping...when they stopped the dogs started barking...the a/c, the ceiling fan and the table fan-all three seem to be immensely enjoying their conspiratorial 'jugalbandi'...ma eyes are bloody tired and burning...but my mind is working relentlessly even at this hour...what does that mean?that i have a healthy and well functioning brain...

went to the airport to pick up my uncle...saw people from various walks of life there...and as i sat there waiting and swatting that determined fly off ma nose i kept looking at people and attributed them with an imaginary story of life to each...but again, i only did this to those who looked interesting or god looking...saw so many 'phirangs' there...every time i saw one i convinced myself that my heart was skipping a beat...(yea right and to think i wrote what i wrote today or rather yesterday)...i had half a mind to hold a placard like all the cab drivers were holding that said 'INDIAN BEAUTY WANTS PHOREN BOY-HEIGHT AND WEIGHT NO PROBLEM-COLOR OBVIOUSLY WHITE-BANK BALANCE IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE-SHOULD BE BIG ENOUGH TO GIVE BILL GATES .07689% INSECURITY-IF YOU MANAGE TO POSSESS SUCH ATTRIBUTES I AM YOUR WIFE WAITING WITH A CARD AND A HEART TO EQUAL YOU BANK ACCOUNT'...man i sound like such an eloquent loser...who would have thought?meanwhile i also counted the number of iron rods that made the barricades..all in multiples of three...

and that reminded me of one of ma quirks...i used to think before doing a job a number that was a multiple of three.and if it went by what i had kept fixed in my head i used to think what i wished for would come true...for example, if i finished surfing 99 channels in 3 minutes, the guy i truly loved.....wait....lets change that to the jerk i truly loved once upon a time would call me up...crazy things like that...something else...from the age of 10 r 11 i just suddenly knew, not even desired or wanted, to marry a french guy...now why french and why at that age i dunno...it baffles me even today though it is a spaniard now ;) oh here's another quirk (it is i think)...i just know words...how i dunno...like i had words in ma head such as bazooka and babushka...now bazooka happens to be a kinda cannon or some weapon used by the armies during world war 2...babushka is a russian word for an old lady or the scarf worn by old russian women...i have no idea what so ever how i got those words in my head...so this is what i think i know of me...in my previous birth i must have been an old russian lady who used a bazooka to keep stray dogs away from her garden or an old russian lady killed by a shot from the bazooka as the soldier who was using it was under training or they used to decorate a bazooka with a babooshka and i must have been the soldier who did it...man did i have an interesting life or what!!!!

okie dokes...the plastic stool am sitting on seems to be making ma rear end feel like stone...moreover i have said enough about me and little more would be detrimental to ma social health...need to try and see if i can see a sunrise in chennai though i would rather not as the sun burns me throughout the day...hmmmm....if only wishes were horses
psst...what does that last line mean bha?

IT'S COMPLICATED!!!

i am complicated...and somehow saying this gives me a clarity like no other...my emotions are complicated, my ideas are complicated, my thinking is complicated, my life in short is complicated.. not that am complaining...but by spelling all this out i am actually wondering if it is going to help me sort out the mess that i might have very skillfully created for myself...first of all...be wise enough to learn from your friends' mistakes...she told me not to do it but guess what?i just went and did it anyway...i dunno if i did it coz i was blind and stupid or was just being a good friend and wanted her to have some company..nevertheless the mistake was given a rebirth...i am now able to empathize with her...i know what she went through...perversely am also happy to have her for company...
next never keep tripping in and out of love...i mean if you fall in love, i mean fall really hard in love, trust me it works better...see, i fell in love with this guy once...and it took me 5 bloody years to get outta that chap..the point here is that yup i was hurt when it all ended but also i had some really genuine and nice fond memories to cherish and had something to take back...now, for the past 2 years i have been tripping in and out of love...the point is, coz i don't fall real hard for these chaps i am just getting outta one relationship and bang!!!am into the next one...and the sad part here is that you get to do this with men who really aren't your type...and also the sad thing is that you don't have any nice memories to cherish..you are most often than not regretting the whole relationship, your choice in men and most importantly your ability to pick out good people...right now i don't think i will make a good choice if i had to choose a guy...
very recently i came to this deduction that like we have disposable cups, plates, bags and even underwear, we also have a new set to the disposable lot...disposable friends...now don't be shocked when you read this coz if you sit down for a moment and think about it we have all had someone, at least one person as a disposable friend and been one to another...but i realized that its all in my head...i mean if i choose to look at it that way it is the reality...but with the power of my mind i can change that reality into something more pleasant and thats what i did...its ok for me to have been a disposable friend to someone as long as i was the friend in need to him/her...
now when life really became 'complicated' this is what i did...i packed ma bags and just headed outta the city i lived in...i got the solitude i was longing for...a solitude that helped me spend more time with myself and enjoy me...in all that had happened to me the past 6 years, i had somehow lost bits and pieces and fragments of me..now i can see clearly how much of me i had lost and realize that i am slowly able to find all the pieces to the 'me jig-saw puzzle' and am filling it all up!!!funny i look but know what, i look ME!!!