a very very haffy and jing the chak new year to all

woe mai gaad...this is to be the lashtest fost of mines to be making a public appearance for the year 2008...abhium naanum-whatte whatte movie, wunderrful tamizh music, japanese dancing to full on tamizh tapankuth music doing better kuth than us, a delectable lunch from kfc clucking in my tummy-aiyo rama..yenna to write is failing my cerebral hemisphere- janis akka..i mean janis joplin is to be singing full on now, cup full of dondaikkai curry (aka poriyal), one can of pepsi... my can wover (sorry ranbir baba...i thirudified ur can, but thats all..nothing better you had for me to baarrroowe)
thalai ullai suthings happening,new year is coming,confusion is flowing,in the freezer the tiramisu is waiting
and finally james marsden is all fitted in into ma D-the-V-the-D..full on jhollu i am to be intending to do i say..and finally will put the on firsht time for public appearance ma poto...but maybe wonly eyes or nose...naat to worry both clean (yeww gross)am not liking myself...smell of burnt popcorn-nauseating machan-waiting for coffee break aalso...oh whatte whatte way to end new year...and finally me the gotted haffiness for writing in my 20th post for this year...ibadeebajeebies i say!!!
a very very haffy and jing chak new year to you alls!!!!

The year in 3 parts- here's part 3 (no more days to go...just waiting for the night to pass)

so here we come to the end of a year as well as the last part of ma pseudo-trilogy...phew!!!what an exercise this has been for me...laughing at myself, sometimes smirking, sometimes wondering if it really was me and so on and so forth...so dahlings without much ado here comes the remaining four months of this year September-December '08

• a lil flashback here (sorry!!!) just a few month prior to September i had convinced myself that i could be a stylist...and i continued nurturing this conviction all the way to September when i realized that it wasn't going to materialize
  
• i became an expert at watching the ellen de generes show, the oprah winfrey show, jimmy kimmel live(i hate him totally) and every possible talk show that star world, zee cafe and hallmark were gracious enough to engulf my living room with
• i started practicing my technique of flirting which pretty much resulted in just one thing-FLOP SHOW;)
• met one hot boy which was some kinda saving grace this past year
• amicably had a complete break up with my ex
• found out that one of ma old exes knew another friend of mine and decided therefore that there is no such thing as six degrees of separation rather we now have two degrees of separation
• so according to the point above its no more a global village but is now a global hamlet and was very proud with my coinage of this new phenomenon
• started listening to tamizh music like there is no tomorrow
• realized that gay men made me feel really good and came closest to being what many people call 'best friends' (you see i don't believe in this whole best friend concept)
• started actually singing instead of my usual whining...this thou does not mean i can sing (think if i really practice in the bathroom the water might get clogged...so not even taking the risk)
• went back to teaching English to foreign students
• struck a deal with mom that by next year October i shall be in a relationship (yea right!!!shortlisting the queue lined outside ma house seeking ma hand in financial support i.e. called marriage also will take me well over two years..what does mimi know??? )
• and oh i didn't find them at fabmall thou a close acquaintance suggested i check shopper's stop...maybe sometime early next year (hmmmm am thinking tomorrow ;)
• made a genuine attempt to understand people

hmmm...don't have patience to write anymore...today's the 31st of december '08...and what's happened to me? this is me now- single, hitting early mid life in 6 months, still on the lookout for a job, mimi has taken the deal seriously and so i better get started on ma manhunt, quite broke on new year's eve, planning to watch 27 Dresses and binge on Tiramisu..sounds like a plan to ye all eh?most welcome to join but make sure it's tonight...not planning to leave any tiramisu for tomorrow...until next year ma dear pattanees...mmuuuuahhhh

The year in 3 parts- here's part 2 (2 more days to go for the big '09)

hmmm...ma numbers seem to be all over the place...first i realized that including the 28th it had to be four days to '09...then i got confused all over again with the numbers...and then the internet was down yesterday and i was bloody low that i lost out on a day and then i realized again that i actually lost it for a good reason...anyway now that am here might as well start writing what i came here for...from may-august---

• this was the peak in ma life at the old agency where frustration hit me hard that i almost reeled over
• made decision to quit and escape the clutches of a frustrated woman battling hormones and a weird mid life crisis
  
• june i was finally outta the company
• went to goa for a holiday...went crazy..had sugar rush and a lot happened (now don't go about imagining stuff sweet peas!!!nuthing much happened thou i can safely say a lot happened ;)
  
• left bangalore and moved into chennai for two months
• living with old people, eating yummy homemade food made by granny, cracking jokes with thathu, teaching him-a 75 year old man how to use the net and navigate thru yahoo mail and g mail, working on an office space, a trip to the beach accompanied by lil bites of raw mangoes
• slowly getting into the rythm of flirting with men
• revelling in wonderful tamizh music
• discovering i could after all get tanned and also be sun burnt
• endless evening at koshy's..cups and cups of chai, plates and plates of smileys, bizzare and pointless conversations-the only ones that could bring a smile on our otherwise wan face
• discovering the existence of the meow meow and the woof woof types of men

hmmm a lot happened these four months that might not interest many..but to me this was the time i spent in getting to know myself all over again...getting in touch with myself...the me that was lost in the PR job...enjoying simple pleasures of life-walking on the beach, getting wet in the auto due to rains, getting lost in a city that is new to you but is the city you hail from, seeing gorgeous old iyer and iyengar pattis in beautiful and colorful sarees with traditional diamond ear rings and nose rings...the temple bells ringing in the evening..and finally an overwhelming sense of pride that i hail from this beautiful city- 'CHENNAI'
until tomorrow for the last post of the year...nite nite dahlings!!!!!

The year in 3 parts- here's part 1 (3 more days to go for the big '09)

was just wondering why not start this countdown of sorts till the new year...anyway it is the 28th of December '08 already...which also means lil writing...but what do i write besides 3 days to go and so on so forth?so i have decided to break the year into three parts with 4 months each and see how much can i recount of what i went through this past year....so let's start with January- April---

• i was quite unhappy at the beginning of the year '08
• i didn't like the idea of turning 24, 6 months down the line
• i started hating my job with the beginning of Feb coz that's when the bitch came back to ma company
• i finally found out that i had indeed earned a good name with the CMD of my company and with my international clients- was a great morale booster
• i was still reeling over the fact that i was still single..it had been 3-4 months since my last break up and i hadn't even flirted with a man
• i was working out like a maniac and realized that i was falling in love with myself (how narcissistic of me!!!) feeling light, being able to sit in autos with other people without feeling absurdly weird and guilty about having the widest arse and feeling feminine all over-mmmm was beautiful
• i made a conscious effort to read more books and unearthed the bookworm in me back to life to bask in the light and joy that only books could have ever given me
• i was still silently grieving over the loss of my lil one, my dog simba the previous October and trying to adjust to these strong moments of intuition that got stronger post his passing (i still miss u ma love :( )
• i got obsessed with CSI, CSI:NY,CSI:Miami. NCIS, Bones, Criminal Minds and Ghost Whisperer
• i started disliking cooking with a renewed passion
• i shopped for new clothes like there was no tomorrow because it always gave me a kick to try out a size M and not a size Xl
• i stopped worrying about boys and what they want to see in us women...went about living like living in a bubble (though in hindsight today i feel like i did indeed waste some precious time coz today am still single ..)
• march and april drove me crazy coz the bitch at work wouldn't let me be
• but the two months also saw me making new friends and spending some great time with the old ones strengthening our bonds and our friendship
• i met strangers on the net and have established contact with them since
• i finally went to the dentist and got ma teeth back in order

and thus spent the first four months of the year...now that this has been documented can't wait to see how different the first four months of 2009 are going to be
until tomorrow...ciao

what's with men and me??????

i can't stand his face anymore...what was i thinking...he is young..not from this country and in all probabilities in need of a replacement mother figure and there i was flirting with him like there is no tomorrow...i wonder if i am my most favorite person anymore...i doubt that very much...what came over me is a mystery but now i have to reap what i have sown...the good news though is the fact that i can still flirt...the bad news still remains the same- i only pick the wrong men...i was bloody this close to picking a wrong one all over again...thank god i got into my 'black man' phase...
yea yea please go ahead and be presumptuous about me being racist but guess what- this time i just might not refute that claim though for reasons unfathomable to you all...i will not accept to being a racist for the use of the word black to describe my new phase when it comes to men...but i do believe am at least partially racist when it comes to the white men...i have recently realized that i possess absolutely zero levels of tolerance when it comes to them and have these quirkish notions about them such as white men are the smelly ones, probably the men who do no wash their underwear after each use...i know i sound mad or weird or wacko but hey i cannot deny what i feel and this is what i feel about these men...
so its all about that beautiful black skin, glistening and smooth, complimented by the pearly whites and those intense and deep and black gorgeous eyes...eyes that can see right through and throw spotlight on you soul or eyes that are mischevious teasing you with those come hither looks or taunting you knowing exactly what kinda effect it has on you...the chiseled face with a smile that reaches the eyes...a voice of such deep baritone luxe quality that it would even have the men around swooning....mmmmm!!!guess have just verbally painted the man of my dreams...
sadly though such men aren't available in the market anymore and whats left i think are these cheap imitations of what men used to be...and also an overgrown imitation of how boys are...nah!!!i wouldn't be conceited enough to generalise all men but if i tell 9/10 men turn out to be the way i have described them above, am sure you can digest my consesus better now...why such bitterness?hmmm lets see...i have a 21 year old aquaintance of a friend who thinks asking me bluntly to date him is the most romantic thing a girl dreams of all her life or be it the 30+ man who i have started getting a feeling is starting to stalk me who again showers compliments that i don't just get drenched but am just an inch away from getting drowned by them or the teenager boy who is so bloody infatuated it's now FUBAR...
i am somehow the magnet for all these freakazoids and wonder how it all happened...yet somewhere deep down i don't wanna blame anybody or more precisely any man coz at the end of the day i am a very difficult and complicated person to be with..i find it sometimes difficult to cope with myself..so no, i don't blame them...but here's the deal boys!!!when you know somewhere mid way that you are dealing with someone or something in an all together different league than your own, you should put the car in reverse gear and go back the way you came in a dignified manner..trying too hard does not work with most women and sadly for you guys i fall into the most women category...so please give us some breathing space ... PHEW!!!

C.J.'s adventures with evil Dwight and his equally evil twin EDT

the day- 17th November '08...
an 'oh-it's-you' look, a warm hug, a wannabe debate on whether to go to PECOS or not, a bike ride of laughter and later the silencer getting 'hump'ed adding to the laughter-riot, and finally PECOS...inside PECOS- the dimly lit space, i-think-Rajesh happy to see Dwight and introduced to C.J., glugging down mugs of beer interspersed by well decided smokes, Leonard Cohen, Ringo Starr, Jimi Hendrix and other such 'mere mortals' watching us and giving us the possible company they could and finally the desi-'Nachis' as Dwight called it...this could well be considered the perfect Utopian setting for some great camaraderie...
surprisingly, at least was a surprise to C.J. who pleasantly discovered that she didn't have to torment her grey matter to keep the conversation alive, the conversation just flowed...no efforts demanded by either...an easy and fluid accomodation into each other's spaces...conversations being easy, funny, tipsy, pompous (Dwight sure was) and a whole load of 'heartfelt' teasing and 'I-have-to-be-mean-to-C.J.' trip accompanying them...while C.J. guilessly was convinced a great camaraderie was in the making, His Royal Highness Dwight takes the liberty of assigning the duty of marking that particular day, time and place...time I have forgotten and admit am as guilty as charged...date and venue we all know by now...
why the day and date important? to remember that seven years from then the self proclaimed a man of his words HRH Dwight will be a celebrity in his own right, signing more than 35 autographs at any given point of time...a famous celebrity so famous that he will have no other choice but to admit that he does require the skill set and talent of C.J. to help him manage his career...at which point hopefully C.J. hasn't developed a hunchback of responsibilities and is able to squeeze in some time to accomodate poor ol' Dwight...
back to the evening...a fun evening that turned out to be 'funner' with the arrival of Dwight's equally evil twin who shall be referred to as Ek-Do-Teen ...it was an evening filled with verbalized dreams, jokes, taunts, soul-bearing snippets, singing good ol' Tamizh songs looking into each others' eyes and of course the whole 'Ass Grabbing' issue...
here goes...Dwight with Ek-Do-Teen(EDT) are busy making this huge issue of how C.J. has apparently 'molested' poor Dwight and grabbed his arse (prefer the British you see)...so C.J. initially behaved the lady she is born into being and tried refuting the ridiculous claims...but today in hindsight C.J. understands that it was her indignation that had them on a roll..so when the first tactic didn't work, C.J. realizes that plan B has to executed...a very logical point she had to make...C.J.'s point was she could never have and can never grab Dwight's arse coz, for one to grab something, that 'something' has to be visible...but boys being boys Dwight and twin EDT nullified the point by the statement that Dwight actually had his assets right but the clothes he had on were not justifying what he had...now C.J. is left with just one choice...having clearly understood that if and when boys decide to talk about 'a' particular topic there's pretty much nothing one can do to stop them...but while they are at it, one might as well give them something to talk about...it seems fair enough to live up to their accusations, right?so after maintaining some silence for a while, C.J. grabbed HIS arse...the deed was done and all the talk that had to happen can happen now...
this moment was the moment that made C.J. feel very much the liberated woman of today...an experience so good and so much fun C.J. might enjoy doing it again ;) EDT was right...grabbing Dwight's arse really transformed C.J. into a liberated woman though one doubts if Dwight might have enjoyed it at all coz you see C.J. reminds Dwight a lot of his aunt, a resemblance that overwhelms him so much that he has to mention it at least twice every time they meet...so for all we know 'it' might have been spooked by the feeling of an aunt-like grabbing its arse..poor Dwightu!!!
back at the 'tea-table' - my midget and EDT in a heated discussion, Dwight yawning on my face like there's no tomorrow and like it was the most gentlemanly thing to do and bizarre conversations...at a glance the evening is like a blur of wonderful colors, sounds, words and emotions...a closer look reveals the Jing-Chak beauty of details that might have you wanting to join C.J, Dwight and EDT's adventures next time 'round.............

it's diwali time and for some me time ;)))))

it's diwali tomorrow...the festival of lights...and lottsa lights in my life seem to have been switched off, but the lighting is so purrrfect now, i couldn't have asked for something better...i guess earlier the lights were blinding me..now they are dim, comfortable to ma beautiful eyes and guess what?i can still see!!!i see with better clarity actually...hmmm so what have i seen?for starters am able to see better why being single actually rocks...i mean i have all those 'blah' moments and moments of such intense loneliness that i could actually put ma hand around it's shoulder and offer my support...that's all the honesty you getting...anyways these moments are few, though not far between...the perks of being single?i can take my own sweet time to do what i want...seriously, and i get to do what i want...i can sit at a cafe...reading a book with ma i-pod plugged securely in ma otherwise negligible ears...and exchange a few coy glances if god is kind enough to send in a good looking male specimen-also waiting for someone...hmmm and that someone is most often than not his girlfriend and considering its my life we are talking about, don't be surprised if that someone actually turns out to be his wife...
i was reliving through all my past relationships and this is what i realized...at the risk of hurting the men and probably being cursed, i have to admit on world wide web that not even one of those has been a real relationship...not one...i was really bored i guess...and i badly badly wanted to experience this 'phenomenon' called relationship...considering it happened at the tender age of 21 for me, i would also like to honor myself with another label-desperate...guess i was desperate to be in a relationship...and am so pissed with my girlfriends...i mean for just this one moment...why the fuck on earth didn't you tell me that being in a relationship really ain't my cup of tea?i mean you guys were my friends(please ignore the switch in gender with the word 'guys')...and u continued to support me through the entire process of me skillfully digging my own grave...
one of my biggest issues is that i get bored easily...my mind can never stay put on one focal point...it has to keep processing all the time...sometimes i get spooked by the way my memory is such a great bank of varied incidents, people, situations, emotions and details...i don't even remember taking them in consciously...they just happen to be there...so am thinking that i might be happy with a man who either works for Gemini circus or one who just chooses to exist, who once a month shows that side to him which might be jis side when he chooses to live and not merely exist...i guess such a man will help me get used to boredom...
i wonder though if it might be of any help to me because am quite the compulsive flirt...it comes as naturally as breathing to me...but thankfully so far, i have had rave reviews about my style...not trying to sound conceited but seriously i love to flirt and i think the men i choose to flirt with enjoy it as well...
oh if u looking for some guidelines just go and google 'how to flirt'...i was curious one day and tried googling and you wont believe the number of pages that are lying out there in that cyber space at your disposal...it's total fun...lil research i did for you guys...there are 7,340,000 hits there wait to be researched upon...try this wiki website out...has the abc's of flirting and has links to loads more of information...i think this might have you all blessing me...i need them badly...and if you want some visual instructions you can even youtube them...see it's just a few clicks away ;)
anyways me gonna bid adieu...need to finish a book am reading and then finish the five others have been simultaneously reading as well...
i have such separation anxiety when i finish reading a book, that i just keep reading a new book each day...so now am reading six of 'em...sometimes am worried for my emotional and mental health...ok that's all for now...hasta luega mi amores...

i have no idea what this is about...

what was i thinking?or more like i just wasn't thinking...ma previous post...i haven't been able to go through it myself...seriously i wonder what kinda torture i must have put the very few of you who visit ma blog and try and read ma rambling...it started off as something and it ended up as something completely different that reads weird and pathetic even to me...so what went wrong?i dunno...i guess it's just the usual confused me who decided to go on a roller coaster ride of self pity...

the above five lines were written god knows when and here i am back to write some more...and once again i have successfully gone blank...that word reminds me...i was once asked to talk for two whole minutes on 'blank white paper'...now don't even ask me what i said...i have no idea...it was so surreal because the topic made lil sense to me and add to that a triple serving of heavy duty nervousness and tension...guess i was more focused on trying to reduce the rate at which i was sweating and hoping as hell that my carefully washed hair didn't go limp with all the sweet sweating that was happening...i guess madonna's current tour is called 'sticky and sweet' or 'sweet and sticky'...wait lemme find out....
got it...it's the sticky and sweet tour...some info just incase u wanna read about it...
anyways why was i talking abt her?yea i remember...she came up with that in 2008 at 50...guess wat?i didnt do the whole tour thing but i already knew what it was to be sticky and sweet at 19 i guess...and what was worse about the whole practical examination?here i was supposed to exhibit my skills at verbalising and articulating ambiguous ideas...but the only kind of articulation that happened was in my head and that too it was totally visual...coming from the land of all kinds of wood---i mean bollywood, tollywood, kollywood, tollywood and sandalwood (nah not that expensive aromatic tree bark, instead the kannada film industry is what am referring to), there i was visualizing yards and yards of white fabric falling around me...soft and fluid...almost flowing around me...this divine beauty created by just yards of fabric flowing and falling around...it was so beautiful that for once i was speechless because i had created beauty in the true sense of the term (at least for me) in my head and not speechless because i was intellectually challenged you know!!!
as much as i would like to believe that one day i would be able to recreate the beauty that created that hot and sticky and of course sweet afternoon, i have two fears that kinda stop it from happening...hmmm i dont think they are fears actually...but anyways one is no way in the world am i gonna have so much money to get that much fabric flowing around me..second i dont know if i would be able to achieve the perfection in realizing it...i dont want to for the life of me spoil the beauty i still hold as a mental picture...
now am thinking what to think?this country music am listening to is calming ma otherwise fraught ANS (autonomic nervous system, there u go with some info on science)...music is miraculous when it comes to me and ma moods...i put cats to shame when it comes to being tempramental and music is the only thing that can ever get to me...man i knw what to write in ma next post...wait n watch out for info on how life is when u are a human who puts cat to shame...no am not -----------...wanna know wat?click on it, duh!!!!until then------------

guess it's time!!!

feels like an eternity has passed since i wrote something here...but yea like i have mentioned before i am indeed challenged when it comes to temporal concepts...but a lot has also happened in the past couple of days that guess there's reason enough for me to lose out on time...it really feels very very weird at the same time something way too intriguing for me to not freak out every time i lose some time...it indeed is a very difficult issue for those with Alzheimer or fugue or other mental disorders because to them losing time can never seem to be an interesting concept that they might like to explore at leisure...
although i may never know how i lost time i am quite aware of what's been happening and what had happened...so i think i am one of the blessed ones to explore this concept...i wonder if any of you have ever felt that you have lost time?i have lost hours and sometimes am a little confused about the day itself...but nothing that freaks me out... but i feel that sometimes i wanna lose some time...it's one of those things or one of those 'times' when you really don't care how much time you have lost and have regrets whatsoever...
i don't remember much of the 'time' when i was an actual child...i was most of the 'times' a grown-up child...i don't remember a 'time' in school or in college during my teenage years when i have had men interested in me...i was most of the 'times' invisible to them but enjoying life for what it was without actually missing their absence...i don't remember a 'time' when i have ever shown any inclination towards cooking...but the few 'times' i have cooked surprisingly they were not only edible but also tasted exquisite (if i may say so myself;)
'time' and again time has deceived me, played these riddles that i never thought i could solve, has taught me the ABCs of life, has thrown me mercilessly against walls but helped me bounce back with a bang, taught me this unusual skill of laughing and crying all at the same 'time,' allowed me to make my share of mistakes but still enjoy them, and...
time seems to be telling me to shut shop and hit the sack as the cough syrup sure seems to be doing a good job of sedating me but not minimizing the cough...but i think this is one post i am going to have come back and add some more stuff...the whole writing experience this time has been a bit of out of body experience...guess early morn 'morrow is when i will be in a position to comprehend...until then any suggestions you might have to make with reference to this post please feel free to do that ;) nitey nite for now

tete-a-tete with the autowallahs- Part 2

hmmm...finally got that drive within to write again...i guess its sheer laziness but sometimes i feel it's also beyond that...just dunno what more...anyways this time the conversation with ma a.b. (autoboi) was more like a session with a shrink...sometimes i really wonder if my auto adventures will ever cease to amaze me...i have been with philosophers, freaks, shrinks, day-to-day content family men and many more...seriously going in in auto these days seems to be such a rich experience...it's unbelievable...i so wanna talk about one specific incident here but guess shall not coz that could very much form good material for my next post ;)

The conversation of Confuzd Jughead with a.b. (ma new shrink)

P.S.: the conversations will be translated for better understanding, though i might have kept certain words to keep the conversation authentic
this was a conversation between the auto chap and me when we were going to Taj Westend or one such hotel from Koramangala (also note it was pouring that day)

a.b. : these rains these days ma, it is only making the traffic worse (our favorite opening line ;)
c.j. : i know bhaiya, but whether there is rain or not, bangalore traffic has gotten really bad...i don't think there is anything anybody can do to better the current situation
a.b. :i know ma...the problem is there are too many of those computer-wallahs (meaning our IT guys)...they don't even know how to drive ma..and they have such big big cars like buildings
c.j. :(makes appropriate sounds of sympathy)
a.b. :you know ma, this is why i don't take my begum (wife) or children out much these days...can't handle them as well as the traffic at the same time (sniggers at his own joke)
c.j. :oh you are married!!!that's wonderful...how many children do you have?
a.b. :three ma...two girls and a boy...decided enough ma...can't have anymore children...it's getting to be very expensive
c.j. :i know...it is very difficult these days...even i feel i need to take up a second job to pay you auto wallahs coz it's getting to be so expensive (both of us laugh at ma lil joke, which i guess gave him the comfort and courage to ask the next question)
a.b. :so ma aren't you married?you don't look like you are married though (to make sure i didn't take offence to being thought that i was older than what i looked ;)
c.j. :no, i am not married...and currently quite happy with this status
a.b. :but you will get married in a year or two definitely no ma?
c.j. : no bhaiya...i don't think i want to ever get married...at least that's what i feel for now...let's see what happens in the future...
a.b. : why do you say that ma? (in complete shock)
c.j. :i dunno bhaiya...nothing specific...guess i am not ready and personally and also that i find it very difficult to trust men these days...so it's best this way
a.b. :(after a silence of 40 seconds) ma i can tell one thing...you didn't want to say much...but i heard it in your voice ma..you are sad..and i am also positive that you were in love with a guy sometime back
c.j. :(trying to make up my mind if this man was a psychic or a shrink...therefore was kinda speechless for a long time)
a.b. :why ma you became so quiet suddenly?i spoke the truth right?but ma why do you want to spend the rest of your life this way?
c.j. :i dunno what to say bhaiya...and i think spending the rest of my life this way seems fine to me...am ok about it
a.b. :ma, if you want to lie to me, it's ok...but why lie to yourself?and seriously you think the man you were in love with feels similarly?i am sure he has found another chokri (girl)...these days that's what they all do ma...love one, if she/he is gone, get in another
c.j. :i know bhaiya...but i don't really wanna think too much about this
a.b. :i know ma and i can understand...but please know one thing...sometime in your life no ma you will get lonely...if you get big job in big company you want to tell good news to someone right?then you will miss not having that 'someone' ma...family i know is very important...i shall pray to khuda (god) you get a good man soon (and we thankfully reach my destination)
c.j. :thanks a lot bhaiya...it was good talking to you...bye

yea!!!i do tell them bye or goodnight sometimes...but these conversations..man!!!sometimes they are the only source of enlightenment in a city like this...it's like the moving 'bodh gaya'
and hey wait for more to come...there's a wanna be michael schumacher, a psycho, a complete freak, an unhappy husband cum son-in-law...just you wait and watch ;)

I really dunno why or what!!!

what is worse?suffering from fever-chest wrenching cough and a head ache so bad i feel ma head is trying to swallow itself much like the dog trying to bite it's tail or being under house arrest for being in the 'gray' of health...i guess both are bad equally...i mean really imagine suffering such terrible head aches (and please do not ever visualize your head swallowing it self as i do not want to be held responsible for any adverse effects you might endure as a result) and not just the head aches, your body does not allow you to put your foot even one step on the other side of your threshold.. so in these 48 hours of my incarceration i have managed to finish reading almost two books...'Wrong Rooms' by Mark Sanderson and 'Claire Voyant' by Saralee Rosenberg...now this is what confuses me the most...which genre is it that i really love reading...because there i am one moment reading an autobiographical account of a beautiful and endearing relationship between two gay men and the moment am done with that am reading something very flippant as compared to that...the second one is about a struggling actress who discovers certain pieces of bitter truth of her life and so on..a very chick flick type of the literary world...but am enjoying it as much as i did the previous one... and oh besides reading i have also started a new blog on wordpress...and to think am the oh so tech savvy confuzd jughead...but seriously it's been loads of fun to write...no..am not practicing to pen down that one book that makes it to the pulitzer or the booker but funnily writing has helped me yarn a thread of thoughts instead of having ma head brimming with tid bits of thoughts...and considering am partially dyslexic where in my 'and' is always 'adn' and 'that' is always 'taht' and 'but tonight' is 'but onight' i should actually be grateful that am able to write at least in ma blogs..and all thanks to the spell check ;) besides all this i now have the responsibility of arranging a gothic theme based party for my friend...the way i look now with the fever and cough i am hundred percent sure that am the readymade prop for such a party...i cost nothing considering she is a friend and you really wouldn't have to work too much on ma otherwise perfect look for such occasions...anyways as a good friend i do intend to offer myself for the purpose of a prop...need to hear what she has in her mind and if i would fit in though i have no doubts that i would...am sure if paris hilton was to see me there at the party the first words to slip out of her mouth would be 'that's hot' or if it were to nicole richie it would be 'gorgeous' (isn't that what she says?)...but seriously, considering they are both americans and come from a land that speaks english i wonder why they haven't learnt any other adjectives...but yea there is freedom of expression..so i guess you both escape coz of that... and speaking of paris, here is the real shocker...i have a friend who i wish to keep anonymous for reasons best known to me...he would put her to shame...i mean put paris to shame...know why? if she thinks being celibate is 'cool' ma boy is the ambassador for celibacy...beware hon!!!but i do wish well for you..if i sit any longer am afraid what you might read hereon would make no sense as i am slowly getting slightly high on cough syrup...hey!!!!don't you dare think of me as a cough syrup junkie...i am just a normal human who is infected with these viral thingamajigs and who needs sleep a lot more than you actually do...very very ill i am..so please, don't!

tete-a-tete with the autowallahs

the auto fellows...in a city like bengaluru, trust me these are like your magic carpets...but again whoever said that a magic carpet is easy to access or to use when we finally do get it...i mean we have no manual that directs us...anyways some of the most interesting conversations i have ever had, ironically lies with these guys...why ironic?as much as i depend on them i also detest them with a passion equal to the dependency coz for some god known reason when they see me they actually dont see me...instead they see a walking and talking ATM...it gets very tricky haggling with them and like one wise soul pointed out recently, when you go in search of an auto to go somewhere, it takes a few minutes of preparation to get yourself mentally ready to handle them...
anyways below, i have tried documenting one of my interesting conversations...my guess is that i would have to do this in parts because i travel only and when i mean only i mean ONLY by auto these days...so many more anecdotes are bound to make their way into this and there are numerous to be recounted...so we shall take one at a time ;)

'THE' conversations of Confuzd Jughead and the autowallahs

P.S.: the conversations will be translated for better understanding, though i might have kept certain words to keep the conversation authentic
this was a conversation between the auto chap and me when we were returning back home from Koshy's:
auto boi (a.b.): the traffic these days no maa (safest to call a lady passenger that), i just don't wanna ride autos anymore (trust me the best opening line for any auto boi is by commenting on the poor spate of the traffic in the city ;)
confuzd jughead (c.j.): i know bhaiya(that's how half the city became filled with my brothers), but what can we do about it
a.b. : what to do maa? these days all boys seem to be buying bikes..they have to take their ladki log(meaning their girlfriends) out for coffee and all..as a result there are way too many bikes on the road
c.j. : i dont think do bhaiya...if they want to impress them they don't necessarily have to use bikes to do that
a.b. : maybe you are not like those ladki log maa...but i am telling you no, these boys are out of control...what do you think about the world today maa?it's become so materialistic..everything is about paisa no maa?what will they do with all that money?
c.j. : i don't know bhaiya what they will do with the money...i mean they are probably going to enjoy it as long as they are alive...but after that maybe their families might enjoy..what do we know?
a.b. : i think so too maa..but what do you think about paisa?do you also wish to be very rich and be famous and have cars and bikes? (in other words if i fall into the materialistic compartment)
c.j. :money does matter to me bhaiya...but i am not the sorts who wishes for too much coz i realized that the more i started earning the more my tension increased...considering i love sleeping, i don't think i would like to get really rich though i do want to be comfortable...moreover at the end of the day we don't take it with us when we die na?what's the use working so hard, not being able to enjoy and leaving it behind bhaiya?no..i don't think i want that much...(this was not intended to make me sound noble or philosophical at all, was actually supposed to sound selfish, but sometimes i outdo myself ;)
a.b. : if there are more people like you in this world no maa, this would be a better place to live in...i am so happy to see such a young girl like you talk so well...your thoughts no maa....they are very noble...am sure you will go to 'jannat' (by having unknowingly impressed the poor man i earned myself a direct ticket to heaven ;)
c.j. : (blushing) thank you bhaiya
a.b. : no maa truthfully, your parents are lucky to have you for a daughter...you are so young...please don't travel this late maa..they would be so worried for you na? (at this point am actually confused, true to ma name, whether i should continue addressing him bhaiya or papa ;)
c.j. : i know bhaiya, just that work makes me stay out this late (thankfully we have almost reached home...why thankfully? coz am a lil uncomfortable digesting unsolicited advice)
a.b. : i don't understand why you girls have to work so much...please get married maa to an 'accha khasa ladka' (a suitable young man) and have his children and be happy...anyways take my phone number...anytime you want auto please do not hesitate to call me..goodnight maa...
c.j. : thanks for the conversation bhaiya...goodnight ;)
hmmm that's how the conversation ended finally when we reached home..obviously chunks of the conversation have been edited, but seriously some of my conversations have been the kinds i would have never expected to have with an a.b. ...but they are really wonderful people and as much as i hate them i really can't do without them...it's this whole bittersweet relationship that i have going with them...
anyways, considering this was the first conversation i was documenting, i went with a sober one...very soon shall attack you guys with a total insane one...until then...keep visitng ;)

the micromini adventures of ahem..mr.karnataka ;)

Ganesha Chaturthi is considered to be the day on which Lord Ganesha is believed to bestow his presence on earth for all his devotees. It is also known as Vinayaka Chaturthi or Vinayaka Chavithi in Sanskrit, Kannada, Tamil and Telugu. It is also celebrated as the birthday of Lord Ganesha. The festival is observed in the Hindu Calendar of Bhaadrapada, starting on the shukla chaturthi(fourth day of the waxing moon period).(SOURCE:WIKIPEDIA)

phew!!!i just can't imagine what would religious and pious Hindus like me do if not for Wikipedia!!i think when am rich enough am gonna be building a temple for wikipedia. anyways why am i talking or rather writing about ganesh chaturthi?hmmm!!!!one coz i had this urge to write about something and had no clue on what to write...and two actually write about something interesting rather than the usual gyan stuff one gets to read about the festival in terms of the food, the poojas, the history and a lot more details you will get to read always...i mean i would love to write about the food but am afraid i will forget to end the post and the mere thought of writing about delicious, mouth-watering, home made food might just help me to add on more weight... neways the intresting thingamajig am writing about is the adventure of a friend of mine whom you will all know as Mr. karnataka, and his two friends... but first we need to give them a title and to their adventure...hmmm, let's call it

the micromini adventures of Mr. Karnataka and his two musketeers (hmmm sounds good but i dunno if more stories will be published under this title, but i wanted to give it some dignity you know)
neways it so happens to be the day of ganesh chaturthi...everywhere in the city you see people shopping, the others enjoying their blessed weekday holiday and thanking god to have his birthday on a wednesday( this year), and a few others building mantaps and decorating the streets for the evening celebrations...usually the mantap is raised, giant like black chunks of electronic goods (normal people call it speakers) that blare the dhing chak music, lil spots of lights creating the image of ganesha but most often than not an incomplete one...you will have an obscure band performing and loads of people gathered (i.e. in the evenings)... i wonder do they assemble to pray or to enjoy the recreational activities you know...but hey we aren't being judgemental here...anyways this is about mr.karantaka and his adventure right?
so on this ganesh chaturthi that turned a lil wet towards evening coz of the light showers, the hero of the story mr.karnataka and his two musketeers decide to go to CMH road for a round of chats (aside: trust me that's the perfect plan ever to have existed to be executed post light showers)...as our boys are satiating their gustatory senses, there comes along a procession for the real hero of the day- lord ganesha... (aside:trust me the procession might seem brass and a lil crude for city breds but it is so not that way...if you take that one step and become a part of it you are bound to have loads and loads of fun)...now as the procession nears them mr. karnataka and co. decide to join them and they just enter...this is the most beautiful thing about india...i mean seriously formality is an unknown word to us and acceptance is totally a part of the culture...no wonder the boys got in easily...the boys are now in the midst of drunken men and the only thought in their heads at that very moment: 'F**K the World.' not a care in the world the new born prabhudevas (prabhudeva:one of india's most brilliant choreographers and dancers) join the group and start doing the thapankutthu (a regional street dance of south india) to beats of 'oooooooooooye.......tankanakaranakaranakara,' as reported by Mr. Karnataka himself...but this is the highlight of the show...here was a vision that am sure was as rare as an astronomical alignment that happens once every 250 years or so...amidst all the lungis (a long piece of fabric tied around the waists by indian men) and their banyaans (vests) we have three boys in shorts, tees and a jacket....this am sure would have earned any photographer an award...to show how india might actually be turning into a socialist economy (hmmm am sounding too intellectual there..trying to make sense of what i wrote actually)...but that's what makes this whole story beautiful (yuck!!!i have successfully made it sound like some fairytale)
neways this to me was one of the most interesting experiences one could have had on ganesh chaturti despite not celebrating the festival himself ;)...a regular chat evening turned into a micromini adventure...so much fun that mr.karnataka is gonna go back to the same road with no guarantees whether the procession will be on tomorrow or not, just to make sure he doesn't miss another opportunity of having jing chak fun...
but hey for all you out there who wanna have fun on a day such as this just follow the steps as given above and who knows you might be 'lucky' enough to bump into mr.karnataka himself!!!
;) below is ganesha or rather a modern ganesha himself dancing...enjoy maadi

this one is seriously long ;)

phew!!!been thinking relentlessly for the past day and a half about what to write...the problem is that am really not the sorts to document what i do in my day to day life...i mean for that i could always maintain a journal...now my life i must admit is extremely interesting...i definitely can share a couple of episodes on world wide web...i mean seriously how many people actually read my blog? but the problem is even if 1 out of the 3 reading happens to be one of the characters mentioned in my post, i can be sure that am doomed...considering the fact that we all have to face it one day or the other i decided i did not want to catalyze the cosmic conspiracy and decided to leave it all to happen on its own...
so as am keying all this i am still thinking what really am i gonna talk about?i do have a few ideas floating in the depths of my cerebral cavity, but most of those will end up like am marketing myself...hmmmm...what to do?what to do?
man this conflict within me to decide on what to write seems to be far more exhaustive than the task of 'choosing a husband'...and that phrase, my dear friends, i think is exactly what am gonna focus on...oh you poor souls!!!now i really feel bad for you guys...those reading will know why ;)
the issue is that i don't believe in the institution of marriage...no!!!those of you married please do not mistake that statement of mine...i am not 'against' the institution of marriage...i mean for those who want it, superb!!! but i genuinely believe that u need to be emotionally and more importantly (for slightly under-developed minds like mine)mentally prepared for it...guess whaaaaaaaaaaaaat??? i just am NOT ready!!!
now this pertinent point seems to be highly impossible to be understood by my family and a few close friends...they actually make it sound like i have some kind of illness..an illness brought about by the dominant western construct that i have somehow managed to adopt, an illness brought about by my 'youth' (man that's the funniest i have ever heard)an illness thats happened coz i live in the city that i do...wow!!!i am so ill and i never knew...so what's been happening is that a lot of proposals have been coming to ma family seeking for ma hand in marriage...you see for most of us Indians and more specifically tam-brahm girls this isn't unusual and if i was like the others i couldn't have asked for anything better...but yellow, am confuzd jughead ...so this aint all that fun
i had no idea that my family was receiving proposals...i think twas damn sweet of them to have kept quiet about it... but again there are two tangents here...one is that they are really scared of me and so they haven't breathed a word of this to me...and am not really kicked about this thought...the other tangent which is more likely to happen is that there is this big conspiracy going on...i know ma folks...they are unbelievably quiet and they are so wonderfully accommodating...it is so not them...so i think am gonna play along and see where the road leads...just hope i dont bang head on against some wall...
anyways, why has choosing a partner (you know marriage really aint necessary to have one) become so complex and complicated to the point of having become impossible?you know i think i could learn and practice yoga and levitate faster and earlier than actually find a suitable man for myself...now those reading will be thinking, 'yea right!!!you must be so choosy and you act like men aren't there'...guess i will try and ignore this judgment and still accept you with my arms open (just for a hug, mind you!!!also you can't have any body odor if you want one )...but seriously i am so not choosy...in fact i tend to incline towards the other end of the spectrum, wherein i have absolutely no expectations from men whatsoever...in fact many a times it has worked against me...the only conditions, if you wanna call them that, are:he should be decent to look at-i don't want an Adonis but i am not belle to accept a beast (not all that noble you know)-he should be well settled financially with a tidy sum in his bank account (again something i don't think is asking for much...i mean am sure am helping the guy by saving him trips to the mall or spending some dough on beer...with all the professional tension why have this as well?i am there to fulfill these responsibilities ;) - he should accept me for who i am and more specifically my independent and strong minded nature (this is where the indian boys take a blow in my list...they just aren't able to digest this side to women..and to think i was under the illusion that liberation of women was actually in progress here!!!hmmm!!!)-and lastly i just want him to try and understand me(aren't i an angel?i don't even expect the guy to fully understand me...at least i didn't make any such statement ;) )
so there you go...the above mentioned reasons are precisely why am still single...also the fact that if it gets serious, these days guys pop out the dreadful M word even before we women get a hint of what's going on in his beautiful head...and if the girl doesn't want to we have so many labels attached to our name..it's not like munnabhai m.b.b.s...its more like xyxy b*t*h or xyxy feminist or xyxy ungrateful wretch blah blah blue...we have quite a few letters of the alphabet attached to our names...am asking why?although if a guy aint ready to marry it's just that...he aint ready...nothing more or nothing less...
but this is what i have decided...if at all god forbid am forced to sit on the mantap and get married, you guys can be sure that beneath all those kilos of silk and gold and diamonds and rubies and flowers and smoke and blessings i would have hidden a pair of nike shoes with ma feet securely stored in them...comes handy when you have to jump off the mantap and run you know..man it really sounds like some good fun if you were to visualize a bride in all her finery running, holding her saree up to her mid calf, the groom behind her and the families tailing him...i would definitely love such an action packed day to happen at least once in my life ;)
hmmm guess by now i have proven how am so ready for the M thingamajig...but if you still persist in thinking that it might actually suit me well see what's below and then tell me if you still hold on to that noble thought ;)



you can change the henry to any name you want...but that would be me sitting there and talking to ma ex if i was to ever tie the knot(that too i would only be talking to sort out the financial issues, you know)...that's ma vision of the future ahead if an untoward event such as M were to happen to me...so now you tell ;)

THE WON AND WONLY 'KARAN JINXED JOHAR' AKA KJINJO

Karan Johar or rather Karan Jinxed Johar???

wondering what am getting at?don't stress those poor gray cells of yours coz in a short while you will know why 'the jinxed.' but first something about the man... i mean we should give him some amount of dignity first before stripping it off him right?ok here goes from my ever reliable wikipedia (please note folks from wikipedia i have done some PR for you free of cost here ;D): Karan Johar as the web page would call him, was born on May 25, 1972 in mumbai...he hails from an illustrious 'filmy family' as we would call them-he has studied at Greenlawns high school blah blah blue-interesting snippet:has a masters degree in French and actually wanted to move to Paris before he got involved in Dharma Productions, that would be his folks' production house...

guess that's enough dope on our man..now kjinjo-short form for karan jinxed johar...neways he is fondly known as KJO by our 'oh-so-original' media and the filmy fraternity here...i mean seriously, do they think they are giving JLO a run for her money?anyways our kjinjo(psst he sounds like some ninja boy no?)wanted to explore all avenues that his creative juices would allow him to...so, our man gets into hosting a talk show besides film making and direction...now for all those original angrezis and phirangs and our very originally manufactured indian angrezis, kjinjo's talk show was called 'Koffee with Karan' and hey he has poetic license to tamper with the spelling of coffee ok...i guess k instead of c in coffee looks better than a c in karan..see----CARAN...now that could even be an Italian name...anyways koffee with karan i have to agree though was a more real and fleshy talk show as compared to the ice like plastic 'rendezvous.' and if u still cant get the difference visualize kjinjo's show as Kajol and the other one as Aishwarya Rai...guess i dont have to elucidate any further...with Rendezvous, i came to a stage where i thought my poor ears and the ear drums within had to develop a sense of hearing with an accent to understand what poor simi was trying to whisper through her bo-toxed cheeks and collagen filled lips...anyways coming back to the man of the moment, his show was definitely fun and oh so am not trying to promote anyone but just that it happens, i mean they are all frenz but pathetic actors and this is the least i could do for them kinda thingamajig you know?

now let's keep the review of the show aside for a moment...coz this post is about this interesting observation that i just happened to make..the first season of kjinjo's show was pretty much the usual with nothing interesting to talk about...but it's in the second season is when something happened...now what happened is your next question...what happened was almost all the celebrities i remembered from the few episodes i managed to catch who spoke about their love lives all split up and guess tabu and abhishek bachchan (are there to chs in his name?who cares?) were the two who got themselves involved with someone though tabu says its all rumors..anyways back to kjinjo's show, lets see how many split...first, viveik (or wateva numerological changes the child has made to his name i know not) oberoi and aishwarya rai:they split...kareena/kareina (hate numerology man) kapoor and shahid kapoor:they split, saif ali khan and roza cat'something':he says on the sunday that they are very much together and the next day times carries the news that they have broken up...ahem the ironies of life i tell you...John Abraham and Bipasha Basu: they almost split thanks to the soccer baby christiano ronaldo and i cant blame her here really...who else? guess should have watched more episodes...yes preity zinta who just mentioned ness wadia..thankfully he didnt come on the show so they survived the rough patch...

now can't stress ma cerebral hemisphere no more for more couples..but seriously kjinjo, what's with your show and break ups man?i really feel bad for you mama (no am not referring to you as my mom but just a term of endearment..thought you might need it after all )...who knows what kinda voodoo is going on there...better check that out and see if you can negate the curse man...

but i must say i louve that boy...he could be so damn sarcastic with that goofy smile on his face and oh bleddy cheeky and nobody would guess...and what's best about him?he's a brilliant businessman...he does, what ekta mercilessly does to us on small screen, on a much larger platform and still successfully brings home the moolah!!!!guess donald trump could take a few lessons from our very own desi kjinjo trump ;) and for all those who didn't know, here's a latest discovery i made on the boy and would love to give him complete credit for...the fact that he can actually dance...he aint ur hrithik roshan or prabhudeva but man he CAN dance!!!!

Disclaimer:if i have been rude or have been 'politcally rude' i am so sorry that i do not absolutely what so ever intend to apologize for that...i truly believe in freedom of expression...therefore i encourage you to exercise yours and leave comments behind..and even if you choose to leave behind the choicest of expletives i assure you to read them with my eyes shut tight and accept it maganimously!!!

until next time....hasta luega

It Must Be Love Though It Isn't

ok...you will find below the lyrics to Don Williams' song 'It Must Be Love-' now before you jump to any conclusions i haven't had the fortune of meeting a wonderful young man and thinking 'oh!it must be love' (blush! blush!)-i would really appreciate it though if there was a caring and sympathetic and most importantly a wise soul out there who would take the trouble of elucidating what does 'a wonderful young man' really mean-because in this tiny life of mine, i haven't really met a MAN, i mean they are more boys-then if i end up meeting someone who is almost there to being a 'man' he aint wonderful or young-now really don't wanna get into the details and explain how if he is wonderful he aint young or a man or if he is young he aint wonderful or a man-wait guess i just did get into the dynamics of the equation-anyways coming back to the matter on hand which actually is the song, i am posting it coz i can only see love in songs such as these (i mean the word is there in the lyrics, printed right in front of you when you read them)-nah!!!don't you dare label me a cynic just by reading the above few lines-i am not being a cynic rather am being a practical romantic-
it will be a little difficult to understand all that's been written above but hey don't worry-when you don't have a career, when your love life is beyond non-existent, when you leave the city you live in and shift for a month and a half to a city you thought you detested your entire life and grow to liking it, and when the heat there burns your skin, trust me you will achieve the zen that i have successfully achieved in this 'ripe young' age of mine (feel like some fruit-maybe avocado)-
ok enough of all ma gyan- find below ma fav song of the day :)

IT MUST BE LOVE
- don williams

First I get cold, then hot
Think I'm on fire, but I'm not
Oh, what a pain I've got
It must be love


There's nothing I can do
All that I want is you
Look what I'm going through
It must be love


CHORUS:
It must be love, it must be love
I fall like a sparrow, fly like a dove
You must be the dream, I've been dreamin' of
Oh what a feeling, it must be love


Something is wrong alright
I think of you all night
Can't sleep til morning light
It must be love


Seeing you in my dreams
Holding you close to me
Oh what else can it be
It must be love

I, ME AND MA QUIRKS- TA DA!!!!

guess it's the world aishu blog day today or rather was yesterday and continues today...little confused with the time factor?ok...lemme try and help you out with this one though am no genius when it comes to temporal concepts...you see its 4.11Am 23/July/08 and i haven't slept a wink since i got up at 10.10AM on the 22/July/08...so ma tuesday has smoothly flowed into ma wednesday and ma wednesday still feels like yesterday...hmmm guess thats how clear and rational ma thinking is at this hour of the morning ;) the birds were chirping...when they stopped the dogs started barking...the a/c, the ceiling fan and the table fan-all three seem to be immensely enjoying their conspiratorial 'jugalbandi'...ma eyes are bloody tired and burning...but my mind is working relentlessly even at this hour...what does that mean?that i have a healthy and well functioning brain...

went to the airport to pick up my uncle...saw people from various walks of life there...and as i sat there waiting and swatting that determined fly off ma nose i kept looking at people and attributed them with an imaginary story of life to each...but again, i only did this to those who looked interesting or god looking...saw so many 'phirangs' there...every time i saw one i convinced myself that my heart was skipping a beat...(yea right and to think i wrote what i wrote today or rather yesterday)...i had half a mind to hold a placard like all the cab drivers were holding that said 'INDIAN BEAUTY WANTS PHOREN BOY-HEIGHT AND WEIGHT NO PROBLEM-COLOR OBVIOUSLY WHITE-BANK BALANCE IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE-SHOULD BE BIG ENOUGH TO GIVE BILL GATES .07689% INSECURITY-IF YOU MANAGE TO POSSESS SUCH ATTRIBUTES I AM YOUR WIFE WAITING WITH A CARD AND A HEART TO EQUAL YOU BANK ACCOUNT'...man i sound like such an eloquent loser...who would have thought?meanwhile i also counted the number of iron rods that made the barricades..all in multiples of three...

and that reminded me of one of ma quirks...i used to think before doing a job a number that was a multiple of three.and if it went by what i had kept fixed in my head i used to think what i wished for would come true...for example, if i finished surfing 99 channels in 3 minutes, the guy i truly loved.....wait....lets change that to the jerk i truly loved once upon a time would call me up...crazy things like that...something else...from the age of 10 r 11 i just suddenly knew, not even desired or wanted, to marry a french guy...now why french and why at that age i dunno...it baffles me even today though it is a spaniard now ;) oh here's another quirk (it is i think)...i just know words...how i dunno...like i had words in ma head such as bazooka and babushka...now bazooka happens to be a kinda cannon or some weapon used by the armies during world war 2...babushka is a russian word for an old lady or the scarf worn by old russian women...i have no idea what so ever how i got those words in my head...so this is what i think i know of me...in my previous birth i must have been an old russian lady who used a bazooka to keep stray dogs away from her garden or an old russian lady killed by a shot from the bazooka as the soldier who was using it was under training or they used to decorate a bazooka with a babooshka and i must have been the soldier who did it...man did i have an interesting life or what!!!!

okie dokes...the plastic stool am sitting on seems to be making ma rear end feel like stone...moreover i have said enough about me and little more would be detrimental to ma social health...need to try and see if i can see a sunrise in chennai though i would rather not as the sun burns me throughout the day...hmmmm....if only wishes were horses
psst...what does that last line mean bha?

IT'S COMPLICATED!!!

i am complicated...and somehow saying this gives me a clarity like no other...my emotions are complicated, my ideas are complicated, my thinking is complicated, my life in short is complicated.. not that am complaining...but by spelling all this out i am actually wondering if it is going to help me sort out the mess that i might have very skillfully created for myself...first of all...be wise enough to learn from your friends' mistakes...she told me not to do it but guess what?i just went and did it anyway...i dunno if i did it coz i was blind and stupid or was just being a good friend and wanted her to have some company..nevertheless the mistake was given a rebirth...i am now able to empathize with her...i know what she went through...perversely am also happy to have her for company...
next never keep tripping in and out of love...i mean if you fall in love, i mean fall really hard in love, trust me it works better...see, i fell in love with this guy once...and it took me 5 bloody years to get outta that chap..the point here is that yup i was hurt when it all ended but also i had some really genuine and nice fond memories to cherish and had something to take back...now, for the past 2 years i have been tripping in and out of love...the point is, coz i don't fall real hard for these chaps i am just getting outta one relationship and bang!!!am into the next one...and the sad part here is that you get to do this with men who really aren't your type...and also the sad thing is that you don't have any nice memories to cherish..you are most often than not regretting the whole relationship, your choice in men and most importantly your ability to pick out good people...right now i don't think i will make a good choice if i had to choose a guy...
very recently i came to this deduction that like we have disposable cups, plates, bags and even underwear, we also have a new set to the disposable lot...disposable friends...now don't be shocked when you read this coz if you sit down for a moment and think about it we have all had someone, at least one person as a disposable friend and been one to another...but i realized that its all in my head...i mean if i choose to look at it that way it is the reality...but with the power of my mind i can change that reality into something more pleasant and thats what i did...its ok for me to have been a disposable friend to someone as long as i was the friend in need to him/her...
now when life really became 'complicated' this is what i did...i packed ma bags and just headed outta the city i lived in...i got the solitude i was longing for...a solitude that helped me spend more time with myself and enjoy me...in all that had happened to me the past 6 years, i had somehow lost bits and pieces and fragments of me..now i can see clearly how much of me i had lost and realize that i am slowly able to find all the pieces to the 'me jig-saw puzzle' and am filling it all up!!!funny i look but know what, i look ME!!!

is this just yet another rant of mine???

i never thought or could have preempted that growing up and being an adult would be this difficult and at times torturous...i have no idea why i would have thought otherwise..guess it was ma childlike innocence and naivety that made me think otherwise...when you take your first step you have someone holding you to help you balance..but when you take your first real step into this adult world there is no one to support you or no one out there holding his arms out ready to hold you lest you fall, give a big warm hug and tell you that 'hey its OK!!!we take it one step at a time'...maybe expecting this again is being childlike...as a child i was worried about ma basic needs...today i am worried about how to support ma basic needs..fair enough..but along with genuine worries such as the same, i have worries about what the world around me thinks of me, have i done ma job well enough to earn myself the reward of a promotion, do i have the necessary brands in ma wardrobe that raises me in the eyes of the world at large, a world that forgets to even notice the person wrapped up in such superficial accolades...i would understand if you stop to think as you are reading this whether i am over analysing the stimuli around me...perhaps i am...yet i do wish i had some of these questions answered...as a kid loneliness could have been an alien from a planet yet to be unearthed for all i cared...today it sticks by me like we are best pals...as a kid people around me made me happy...today they make me wary, keeping me alert pondering over what their next move is and what are their intentions...this world out here is so harsh and cold that the thought of staying isolated away from people in an igloo somewhere up the north pole would make me feel warmer than i do sitting in this tropical country...i do understand that it isn't all bad as i seem to be making of it...but life has bestowed on me some very harsh lessons that fail me in appreciating the good that happens...i have indeed grown to be the woman i am today, come into my own and even get strong enough that i possibly could support a multitude of people emotionally, but i always wonder where does that leave me?where do i go from here on?i dunno and i dunno why...

say hi to your tooth fairy ;)

have you ever imagined what life would have been if waxing as a technique for hair removal hadn't been discovered and one had to pluck each hair out from your hands and legs with the help of the tweezers? argh!!!!too painful to even imagine..but i just realized am enduring something worse forget imagining it...i am undergoing root canal treatment...trust me you have to run to your dentist or rather you will run to your dentist the moment you are done with this post...
now what is root canal? for the blessed ones who are yet to endure this trauma, let me explain the medical condition to the best of ma abilities...now your tooth is hollow within and nah!!there aint gas in there. it has nerves within...now why hollow and how nerves within? (you have the nerve to ask that question in your head ;) ) imgine this fragile swaraoski crystal rose plant in a glass case...yeah yeah keep wishing...it aint that beautiful but the equation is more or less similar..so neways the issue with root canal is that these oh-so-delicate nerves get infected and its time to clean the crap outta your mouth (hey am just being figurative here..no need to screw up thy face) to do this they would have to drill a hole on th surface of your tooth to enter the hollow..and then the cleaning procedure begins..man i felt like this bathroom tile who was being scrubbed clean coz it hadnt been cleaned for years on end..but i must add that ma dentist is like god to me..the only man who always elicits the same reaction from me when i meet him, as in ma jaws drop wen i see him each time and am drooling all over..one lucky soul on earth must say..but yeah he is briliant at his job and thereore i needen't worry about loosing one of ma pearly whites prematurely though the procedure when is happening makes me plead wth god to make the tooth disappear...
know i am fixating on this whole root canal treatment..but hey for someone who ran the opposite direction when you took the D of Dentist, this feels like climbing mount everest without any capabilities, be it physical or in ma case mentally...today i feel so liberated and euphoric that i think i should have sat at the dentist's instead of ma counsellor's couch...and the best thing is that alongwith my tooth even ma head seems to be clearing up..
and folks do this today coz if you ignore like i did then you too might have to empty half your savings..aint worth it...
any doubts, clarifications, suggestions or advice required in this matter please feel free to consult yours truly..................

P.S. hmmm aint too confident over the root canal spelling..but really who cares eh? dont even if you have a tendency to do so...understood?