it's diwali tomorrow...the festival of lights...and lottsa lights in my life seem to have been switched off, but the lighting is so purrrfect now, i couldn't have asked for something better...i guess earlier the lights were blinding me..now they are dim, comfortable to ma beautiful eyes and guess what?i can still see!!!i see with better clarity actually...hmmm so what have i seen?for starters am able to see better why being single actually rocks...i mean i have all those 'blah' moments and moments of such intense loneliness that i could actually put ma hand around it's shoulder and offer my support...that's all the honesty you getting...anyways these moments are few, though not far between...the perks of being single?i can take my own sweet time to do what i want...seriously, and i get to do what i want...i can sit at a cafe...reading a book with ma i-pod plugged securely in ma otherwise negligible ears...and exchange a few coy glances if god is kind enough to send in a good looking male specimen-also waiting for someone...hmmm and that someone is most often than not his girlfriend and considering its my life we are talking about, don't be surprised if that someone actually turns out to be his wife...i was reliving through all my past relationships and this is what i realized...at the risk of hurting the men and probably being cursed, i have to admit on world wide web that not even one of those has been a real relationship...not one...i was really bored i guess...and i badly badly wanted to experience this 'phenomenon' called relationship...considering it happened at the tender age of 21 for me, i would also like to honor myself with another label-desperate...guess i was desperate to be in a relationship...and am so pissed with my girlfriends...i mean for just this one moment...why the fuck on earth didn't you tell me that being in a relationship really ain't my cup of tea?i mean you guys were my friends(please ignore the switch in gender with the word 'guys')...and u continued to support me through the entire process of me skillfully digging my own grave...one of my biggest issues is that i get bored easily...my mind can never stay put on one focal point...it has to keep processing all the time...sometimes i get spooked by the way my memory is such a great bank of varied incidents, people, situations, emotions and details...i don't even remember taking them in consciously...they just happen to be there...so am thinking that i might be happy with a man who either works for Gemini circus or one who just chooses to exist, who once a month shows that side to him which might be jis side when he chooses to live and not merely exist...i guess such a man will help me get used to boredom...i wonder though if it might be of any help to me because am quite the compulsive flirt...it comes as naturally as breathing to me...but thankfully so far, i have had rave reviews about my style...not trying to sound conceited but seriously i love to flirt and i think the men i choose to flirt with enjoy it as well...
oh if u looking for some guidelines just go and google 'how to flirt'...i was curious one day and tried googling and you wont believe the number of pages that are lying out there in that cyber space at your disposal...it's total fun...lil research i did for you guys...there are 7,340,000 hits there wait to be researched upon...try this wiki website out...has the abc's of flirting and has links to loads more of information...i think this might have you all blessing me...i need them badly...and if you want some visual instructions you can even youtube them...see it's just a few clicks away ;)anyways me gonna bid adieu...need to finish a book am reading and then finish the five others have been simultaneously reading as well...i have such separation anxiety when i finish reading a book, that i just keep reading a new book each day...so now am reading six of 'em...sometimes am worried for my emotional and mental health...ok that's all for now...hasta luega mi amores...
what was i thinking?or more like i just wasn't thinking...ma previous post...i haven't been able to go through it myself...seriously i wonder what kinda torture i must have put the very few of you who visit ma blog and try and read ma rambling...it started off as something and it ended up as something completely different that reads weird and pathetic even to me...so what went wrong?i dunno...i guess it's just the usual confused me who decided to go on a roller coaster ride of self pity...the above five lines were written god knows when and here i am back to write some more...and once again i have successfully gone blank...that word reminds me...i was once asked to talk for two whole minutes on 'blank white paper'...now don't even ask me what i said...i have no idea...it was so surreal because the topic made lil sense to me and add to that a triple serving of heavy duty nervousness and tension...guess i was more focused on trying to reduce the rate at which i was sweating and hoping as hell that my carefully washed hair didn't go limp with all the sweet sweating that was happening...i guess madonna's current tour is called 'sticky and sweet' or 'sweet and sticky'...wait lemme find out....got it...it's the sticky and sweet tour...some info just incase u wanna read about it...anyways why was i talking abt her?yea i remember...she came up with that in 2008 at 50...guess wat?i didnt do the whole tour thing but i already knew what it was to be sticky and sweet at 19 i guess...and what was worse about the whole practical examination?here i was supposed to exhibit my skills at verbalising and articulating ambiguous ideas...but the only kind of articulation that happened was in my head and that too it was totally visual...coming from the land of all kinds of wood---i mean bollywood, tollywood, kollywood, tollywood and sandalwood (nah not that expensive aromatic tree bark, instead the kannada film industry is what am referring to), there i was visualizing yards and yards of white fabric falling around me...soft and fluid...almost flowing around me...this divine beauty created by just yards of fabric flowing and falling around...it was so beautiful that for once i was speechless because i had created beauty in the true sense of the term (at least for me) in my head and not speechless because i was intellectually challenged you know!!!as much as i would like to believe that one day i would be able to recreate the beauty that created that hot and sticky and of course sweet afternoon, i have two fears that kinda stop it from happening...hmmm i dont think they are fears actually...but anyways one is no way in the world am i gonna have so much money to get that much fabric flowing around me..second i dont know if i would be able to achieve the perfection in realizing it...i dont want to for the life of me spoil the beauty i still hold as a mental picture...now am thinking what to think?this country music am listening to is calming ma otherwise fraught ANS (autonomic nervous system, there u go with some info on science)...music is miraculous when it comes to me and ma moods...i put cats to shame when it comes to being tempramental and music is the only thing that can ever get to me...man i knw what to write in ma next post...wait n watch out for info on how life is when u are a human who puts cat to shame...no am not -----------...wanna know wat?click on it, duh!!!!until then------------
feels like an eternity has passed since i wrote something here...but yea like i have mentioned before i am indeed challenged when it comes to temporal concepts...but a lot has also happened in the past couple of days that guess there's reason enough for me to lose out on time...it really feels very very weird at the same time something way too intriguing for me to not freak out every time i lose some time...it indeed is a very difficult issue for those with Alzheimer or fugue or other mental disorders because to them losing time can never seem to be an interesting concept that they might like to explore at leisure...although i may never know how i lost time i am quite aware of what's been happening and what had happened...so i think i am one of the blessed ones to explore this concept...i wonder if any of you have ever felt that you have lost time?i have lost hours and sometimes am a little confused about the day itself...but nothing that freaks me out... but i feel that sometimes i wanna lose some time...it's one of those things or one of those 'times' when you really don't care how much time you have lost and have regrets whatsoever...i don't remember much of the 'time' when i was an actual child...i was most of the 'times' a grown-up child...i don't remember a 'time' in school or in college during my teenage years when i have had men interested in me...i was most of the 'times' invisible to them but enjoying life for what it was without actually missing their absence...i don't remember a 'time' when i have ever shown any inclination towards cooking...but the few 'times' i have cooked surprisingly they were not only edible but also tasted exquisite (if i may say so myself;)'time' and again time has deceived me, played these riddles that i never thought i could solve, has taught me the ABCs of life, has thrown me mercilessly against walls but helped me bounce back with a bang, taught me this unusual skill of laughing and crying all at the same 'time,' allowed me to make my share of mistakes but still enjoy them, and...time seems to be telling me to shut shop and hit the sack as the cough syrup sure seems to be doing a good job of sedating me but not minimizing the cough...but i think this is one post i am going to have come back and add some more stuff...the whole writing experience this time has been a bit of out of body experience...guess early morn 'morrow is when i will be in a position to comprehend...until then any suggestions you might have to make with reference to this post please feel free to do that ;) nitey nite for now
hmmm...finally got that drive within to write again...i guess its sheer laziness but sometimes i feel it's also beyond that...just dunno what more...anyways this time the conversation with ma a.b. (autoboi) was more like a session with a shrink...sometimes i really wonder if my auto adventures will ever cease to amaze me...i have been with philosophers, freaks, shrinks, day-to-day content family men and many more...seriously going in in auto these days seems to be such a rich experience...it's unbelievable...i so wanna talk about one specific incident here but guess shall not coz that could very much form good material for my next post ;) The conversation of Confuzd Jughead with a.b. (ma new shrink)P.S.: the conversations will be translated for better understanding, though i might have kept certain words to keep the conversation authentic this was a conversation between the auto chap and me when we were going to Taj Westend or one such hotel from Koramangala (also note it was pouring that day)
a.b. : these rains these days ma, it is only making the traffic worse (our favorite opening line ;)
c.j. : i know bhaiya, but whether there is rain or not, bangalore traffic has gotten really bad...i don't think there is anything anybody can do to better the current situation
a.b. :i know ma...the problem is there are too many of those computer-wallahs (meaning our IT guys)...they don't even know how to drive ma..and they have such big big cars like buildings
c.j. :(makes appropriate sounds of sympathy)
a.b. :you know ma, this is why i don't take my begum (wife) or children out much these days...can't handle them as well as the traffic at the same time (sniggers at his own joke)
c.j. :oh you are married!!!that's wonderful...how many children do you have?
a.b. :three ma...two girls and a boy...decided enough ma...can't have anymore children...it's getting to be very expensive
c.j. :i know...it is very difficult these days...even i feel i need to take up a second job to pay you auto wallahs coz it's getting to be so expensive (both of us laugh at ma lil joke, which i guess gave him the comfort and courage to ask the next question)
a.b. :so ma aren't you married?you don't look like you are married though (to make sure i didn't take offence to being thought that i was older than what i looked ;)
c.j. :no, i am not married...and currently quite happy with this status
a.b. :but you will get married in a year or two definitely no ma?
c.j. : no bhaiya...i don't think i want to ever get married...at least that's what i feel for now...let's see what happens in the future...
a.b. : why do you say that ma? (in complete shock)
c.j. :i dunno bhaiya...nothing specific...guess i am not ready and personally and also that i find it very difficult to trust men these days...so it's best this way
a.b. :(after a silence of 40 seconds) ma i can tell one thing...you didn't want to say much...but i heard it in your voice ma..you are sad..and i am also positive that you were in love with a guy sometime back
c.j. :(trying to make up my mind if this man was a psychic or a shrink...therefore was kinda speechless for a long time)
a.b. :why ma you became so quiet suddenly?i spoke the truth right?but ma why do you want to spend the rest of your life this way?
c.j. :i dunno what to say bhaiya...and i think spending the rest of my life this way seems fine to me...am ok about it
a.b. :ma, if you want to lie to me, it's ok...but why lie to yourself?and seriously you think the man you were in love with feels similarly?i am sure he has found another chokri (girl)...these days that's what they all do ma...love one, if she/he is gone, get in another
c.j. :i know bhaiya...but i don't really wanna think too much about this
a.b. :i know ma and i can understand...but please know one thing...sometime in your life no ma you will get lonely...if you get big job in big company you want to tell good news to someone right?then you will miss not having that 'someone' ma...family i know is very important...i shall pray to khuda (god) you get a good man soon (and we thankfully reach my destination)
c.j. :thanks a lot bhaiya...it was good talking to you...bye
yea!!!i do tell them bye or goodnight sometimes...but these conversations..man!!!sometimes they are the only source of enlightenment in a city like this...it's like the moving 'bodh gaya'
and hey wait for more to come...there's a wanna be michael schumacher, a psycho, a complete freak, an unhappy husband cum son-in-law...just you wait and watch ;)
what is worse?suffering from fever-chest wrenching cough and a head ache so bad i feel ma head is trying to swallow itself much like the dog trying to bite it's tail or being under house arrest for being in the 'gray' of health...i guess both are bad equally...i mean really imagine suffering such terrible head aches (and please do not ever visualize your head swallowing it self as i do not want to be held responsible for any adverse effects you might endure as a result) and not just the head aches, your body does not allow you to put your foot even one step on the other side of your threshold.. so in these 48 hours of my incarceration i have managed to finish reading almost two books...'Wrong Rooms' by Mark Sanderson and 'Claire Voyant' by Saralee Rosenberg...now this is what confuses me the most...which genre is it that i really love reading...because there i am one moment reading an autobiographical account of a beautiful and endearing relationship between two gay men and the moment am done with that am reading something very flippant as compared to that...the second one is about a struggling actress who discovers certain pieces of bitter truth of her life and so on..a very chick flick type of the literary world...but am enjoying it as much as i did the previous one... and oh besides reading i have also started a new blog on wordpress...and to think am the oh so tech savvy confuzd jughead...but seriously it's been loads of fun to write...no..am not practicing to pen down that one book that makes it to the pulitzer or the booker but funnily writing has helped me yarn a thread of thoughts instead of having ma head brimming with tid bits of thoughts...and considering am partially dyslexic where in my 'and' is always 'adn' and 'that' is always 'taht' and 'but tonight' is 'but onight' i should actually be grateful that am able to write at least in ma blogs..and all thanks to the spell check ;) besides all this i now have the responsibility of arranging a gothic theme based party for my friend...the way i look now with the fever and cough i am hundred percent sure that am the readymade prop for such a party...i cost nothing considering she is a friend and you really wouldn't have to work too much on ma otherwise perfect look for such occasions...anyways as a good friend i do intend to offer myself for the purpose of a prop...need to hear what she has in her mind and if i would fit in though i have no doubts that i would...am sure if paris hilton was to see me there at the party the first words to slip out of her mouth would be 'that's hot' or if it were to nicole richie it would be 'gorgeous' (isn't that what she says?)...but seriously, considering they are both americans and come from a land that speaks english i wonder why they haven't learnt any other adjectives...but yea there is freedom of expression..so i guess you both escape coz of that... and speaking of paris, here is the real shocker...i have a friend who i wish to keep anonymous for reasons best known to me...he would put her to shame...i mean put paris to shame...know why? if she thinks being celibate is 'cool' ma boy is the ambassador for celibacy...beware hon!!!but i do wish well for you..if i sit any longer am afraid what you might read hereon would make no sense as i am slowly getting slightly high on cough syrup...hey!!!!don't you dare think of me as a cough syrup junkie...i am just a normal human who is infected with these viral thingamajigs and who needs sleep a lot more than you actually do...very very ill i am..so please, don't!
the auto fellows...in a city like bengaluru, trust me these are like your magic carpets...but again whoever said that a magic carpet is easy to access or to use when we finally do get it...i mean we have no manual that directs us...anyways some of the most interesting conversations i have ever had, ironically lies with these guys...why ironic?as much as i depend on them i also detest them with a passion equal to the dependency coz for some god known reason when they see me they actually dont see me...instead they see a walking and talking ATM...it gets very tricky haggling with them and like one wise soul pointed out recently, when you go in search of an auto to go somewhere, it takes a few minutes of preparation to get yourself mentally ready to handle them...anyways below, i have tried documenting one of my interesting conversations...my guess is that i would have to do this in parts because i travel only and when i mean only i mean ONLY by auto these days...so many more anecdotes are bound to make their way into this and there are numerous to be recounted...so we shall take one at a time ;)'THE' conversations of Confuzd Jughead and the autowallahs P.S.: the conversations will be translated for better understanding, though i might have kept certain words to keep the conversation authentic this was a conversation between the auto chap and me when we were returning back home from Koshy's:auto boi (a.b.): the traffic these days no maa (safest to call a lady passenger that), i just don't wanna ride autos anymore (trust me the best opening line for any auto boi is by commenting on the poor spate of the traffic in the city ;)
confuzd jughead (c.j.): i know bhaiya(that's how half the city became filled with my brothers), but what can we do about ita.b. : what to do maa? these days all boys seem to be buying bikes..they have to take their ladki log(meaning their girlfriends) out for coffee and all..as a result there are way too many bikes on the roadc.j. : i dont think do bhaiya...if they want to impress them they don't necessarily have to use bikes to do thata.b. : maybe you are not like those ladki log maa...but i am telling you no, these boys are out of control...what do you think about the world today maa?it's become so materialistic..everything is about paisa no maa?what will they do with all that money?c.j. : i don't know bhaiya what they will do with the money...i mean they are probably going to enjoy it as long as they are alive...but after that maybe their families might enjoy..what do we know?a.b. : i think so too maa..but what do you think about paisa?do you also wish to be very rich and be famous and have cars and bikes? (in other words if i fall into the materialistic compartment)c.j. :money does matter to me bhaiya...but i am not the sorts who wishes for too much coz i realized that the more i started earning the more my tension increased...considering i love sleeping, i don't think i would like to get really rich though i do want to be comfortable...moreover at the end of the day we don't take it with us when we die na?what's the use working so hard, not being able to enjoy and leaving it behind bhaiya?no..i don't think i want that much...(this was not intended to make me sound noble or philosophical at all, was actually supposed to sound selfish, but sometimes i outdo myself ;)a.b. : if there are more people like you in this world no maa, this would be a better place to live in...i am so happy to see such a young girl like you talk so well...your thoughts no maa....they are very noble...am sure you will go to 'jannat' (by having unknowingly impressed the poor man i earned myself a direct ticket to heaven ;)c.j. : (blushing) thank you bhaiyaa.b. : no maa truthfully, your parents are lucky to have you for a daughter...you are so young...please don't travel this late maa..they would be so worried for you na? (at this point am actually confused, true to ma name, whether i should continue addressing him bhaiya or papa ;)c.j. : i know bhaiya, just that work makes me stay out this late (thankfully we have almost reached home...why thankfully? coz am a lil uncomfortable digesting unsolicited advice)a.b. : i don't understand why you girls have to work so much...please get married maa to an 'accha khasa ladka' (a suitable young man) and have his children and be happy...anyways take my phone number...anytime you want auto please do not hesitate to call me..goodnight maa...c.j. : thanks for the conversation bhaiya...goodnight ;)hmmm that's how the conversation ended finally when we reached home..obviously chunks of the conversation have been edited, but seriously some of my conversations have been the kinds i would have never expected to have with an a.b. ...but they are really wonderful people and as much as i hate them i really can't do without them...it's this whole bittersweet relationship that i have going with them...anyways, considering this was the first conversation i was documenting, i went with a sober one...very soon shall attack you guys with a total insane one...until then...keep visitng ;)
Ganesha Chaturthi is considered to be the day on which Lord Ganesha is believed to bestow his presence on earth for all his devotees. It is also known as Vinayaka Chaturthi or Vinayaka Chavithi in Sanskrit, Kannada, Tamil and Telugu. It is also celebrated as the birthday of Lord Ganesha. The festival is observed in the Hindu Calendar of Bhaadrapada, starting on the shukla chaturthi(fourth day of the waxing moon period).(SOURCE:WIKIPEDIA)
phew!!!i just can't imagine what would religious and pious Hindus like me do if not for Wikipedia!!i think when am rich enough am gonna be building a temple for wikipedia. anyways why am i talking or rather writing about ganesh chaturthi?hmmm!!!!one coz i had this urge to write about something and had no clue on what to write...and two actually write about something interesting rather than the usual gyan stuff one gets to read about the festival in terms of the food, the poojas, the history and a lot more details you will get to read always...i mean i would love to write about the food but am afraid i will forget to end the post and the mere thought of writing about delicious, mouth-watering, home made food might just help me to add on more weight... neways the intresting thingamajig am writing about is the adventure of a friend of mine whom you will all know as Mr. karnataka, and his two friends... but first we need to give them a title and to their adventure...hmmm, let's call it
the micromini adventures of Mr. Karnataka and his two musketeers (hmmm sounds good but i dunno if more stories will be published under this title, but i wanted to give it some dignity you know)
neways it so happens to be the day of ganesh chaturthi...everywhere in the city you see people shopping, the others enjoying their blessed weekday holiday and thanking god to have his birthday on a wednesday( this year), and a few others building mantaps and decorating the streets for the evening celebrations...usually the mantap is raised, giant like black chunks of electronic goods (normal people call it speakers) that blare the dhing chak music, lil spots of lights creating the image of ganesha but most often than not an incomplete one...you will have an obscure band performing and loads of people gathered (i.e. in the evenings)... i wonder do they assemble to pray or to enjoy the recreational activities you know...but hey we aren't being judgemental here...anyways this is about mr.karantaka and his adventure right?
so on this ganesh chaturthi that turned a lil wet towards evening coz of the light showers, the hero of the story mr.karnataka and his two musketeers decide to go to CMH road for a round of chats (aside: trust me that's the perfect plan ever to have existed to be executed post light showers)...as our boys are satiating their gustatory senses, there comes along a procession for the real hero of the day- lord ganesha... (aside:trust me the procession might seem brass and a lil crude for city breds but it is so not that way...if you take that one step and become a part of it you are bound to have loads and loads of fun)...now as the procession nears them mr. karnataka and co. decide to join them and they just enter...this is the most beautiful thing about india...i mean seriously formality is an unknown word to us and acceptance is totally a part of the culture...no wonder the boys got in easily...the boys are now in the midst of drunken men and the only thought in their heads at that very moment: 'F**K the World.' not a care in the world the new born prabhudevas (prabhudeva:one of india's most brilliant choreographers and dancers) join the group and start doing the thapankutthu (a regional street dance of south india) to beats of 'oooooooooooye.......tankanakaranakaranakara,' as reported by Mr. Karnataka himself...but this is the highlight of the show...here was a vision that am sure was as rare as an astronomical alignment that happens once every 250 years or so...amidst all the lungis (a long piece of fabric tied around the waists by indian men) and their banyaans (vests) we have three boys in shorts, tees and a jacket....this am sure would have earned any photographer an award...to show how india might actually be turning into a socialist economy (hmmm am sounding too intellectual there..trying to make sense of what i wrote actually)...but that's what makes this whole story beautiful (yuck!!!i have successfully made it sound like some fairytale)
neways this to me was one of the most interesting experiences one could have had on ganesh chaturti despite not celebrating the festival himself ;)...a regular chat evening turned into a micromini adventure...so much fun that mr.karnataka is gonna go back to the same road with no guarantees whether the procession will be on tomorrow or not, just to make sure he doesn't miss another opportunity of having jing chak fun...
but hey for all you out there who wanna have fun on a day such as this just follow the steps as given above and who knows you might be 'lucky' enough to bump into mr.karnataka himself!!!
;) below is ganesha or rather a modern ganesha himself dancing...enjoy maadi
it's diwali tomorrow...the festival of lights...and lottsa lights in my life seem to have been switched off, but the lighting is so purrrfect now, i couldn't have asked for something better...i guess earlier the lights were blinding me..now they are dim, comfortable to ma beautiful eyes and guess what?i can still see!!!i see with better clarity actually...hmmm so what have i seen?for starters am able to see better why being single actually rocks...i mean i have all those 'blah' moments and moments of such intense loneliness that i could actually put ma hand around it's shoulder and offer my support...that's all the honesty you getting...anyways these moments are few, though not far between...the perks of being single?i can take my own sweet time to do what i want...seriously, and i get to do what i want...i can sit at a cafe...reading a book with ma i-pod plugged securely in ma otherwise negligible ears...and exchange a few coy glances if god is kind enough to send in a good looking male specimen-also waiting for someone...hmmm and that someone is most often than not his girlfriend and considering its my life we are talking about, don't be surprised if that someone actually turns out to be his wife...
