IT'S COMPLICATED!!!

i am complicated...and somehow saying this gives me a clarity like no other...my emotions are complicated, my ideas are complicated, my thinking is complicated, my life in short is complicated.. not that am complaining...but by spelling all this out i am actually wondering if it is going to help me sort out the mess that i might have very skillfully created for myself...first of all...be wise enough to learn from your friends' mistakes...she told me not to do it but guess what?i just went and did it anyway...i dunno if i did it coz i was blind and stupid or was just being a good friend and wanted her to have some company..nevertheless the mistake was given a rebirth...i am now able to empathize with her...i know what she went through...perversely am also happy to have her for company...
next never keep tripping in and out of love...i mean if you fall in love, i mean fall really hard in love, trust me it works better...see, i fell in love with this guy once...and it took me 5 bloody years to get outta that chap..the point here is that yup i was hurt when it all ended but also i had some really genuine and nice fond memories to cherish and had something to take back...now, for the past 2 years i have been tripping in and out of love...the point is, coz i don't fall real hard for these chaps i am just getting outta one relationship and bang!!!am into the next one...and the sad part here is that you get to do this with men who really aren't your type...and also the sad thing is that you don't have any nice memories to cherish..you are most often than not regretting the whole relationship, your choice in men and most importantly your ability to pick out good people...right now i don't think i will make a good choice if i had to choose a guy...
very recently i came to this deduction that like we have disposable cups, plates, bags and even underwear, we also have a new set to the disposable lot...disposable friends...now don't be shocked when you read this coz if you sit down for a moment and think about it we have all had someone, at least one person as a disposable friend and been one to another...but i realized that its all in my head...i mean if i choose to look at it that way it is the reality...but with the power of my mind i can change that reality into something more pleasant and thats what i did...its ok for me to have been a disposable friend to someone as long as i was the friend in need to him/her...
now when life really became 'complicated' this is what i did...i packed ma bags and just headed outta the city i lived in...i got the solitude i was longing for...a solitude that helped me spend more time with myself and enjoy me...in all that had happened to me the past 6 years, i had somehow lost bits and pieces and fragments of me..now i can see clearly how much of me i had lost and realize that i am slowly able to find all the pieces to the 'me jig-saw puzzle' and am filling it all up!!!funny i look but know what, i look ME!!!