ma partial idea of roMANce

i intended to write about something altogether different..but as i was getting ready to start writing i came across this picture of Tony Parker and Eva Longoria Parker kissing on New Year's Eve that got me thinking...yea, all Hollywood and American it is but the kiss they had had nothing to do with paparazzi or fame...this was just love and nothing more or nothing less...as i looked at the picture something just popped into my head...how long has it been since i last kissed someone?i don't remember...it's been that bloody long...and now am suddenly yearning for one...the moment this thought hit me i kinda freaked out thinking if i was getting desperate to have a man in my life but my need for a kiss has nothing to do with any kind of sexual frustration...to me a kiss is all about a physical expression to show how much one cares for the other, to show that someone needs you, to show how much you mean to someone and the joy in knowing that you mean the world to someone...
it's been so long since i shared such companionship and emotional intimacy with a man...i don't know if i would be able to share as its been that long...being a typical M&B person, a hardcore romantic at heart and for someone eager to share her life with a man the scenario in my life is just the opposite...always dreamt of this nice handsome, tall and dark man would just sashay into my life and turn my already topsy turvy life topsier turvier...who can be a man and still exude such boyish charm that he is the perfect combination of oxymorons that i have always envisioned in the man i will fall in love with one day...
ok me not talking nemore...i so dont wanna post this but what the hell man..this is my blog and i decide what i put in my blog right?so without further gushing and blushing and all the yucky shings i shall post it...if you can please skip this post...wait why am i being apologetic of my post and now how have i managed to start this conversation with myself so well?am smart indeed..guess what?just do as you please or else i shall never end this conversation with myself...

a very very haffy and jing the chak new year to all

woe mai gaad...this is to be the lashtest fost of mines to be making a public appearance for the year 2008...abhium naanum-whatte whatte movie, wunderrful tamizh music, japanese dancing to full on tamizh tapankuth music doing better kuth than us, a delectable lunch from kfc clucking in my tummy-aiyo rama..yenna to write is failing my cerebral hemisphere- janis akka..i mean janis joplin is to be singing full on now, cup full of dondaikkai curry (aka poriyal), one can of pepsi... my can wover (sorry ranbir baba...i thirudified ur can, but thats all..nothing better you had for me to baarrroowe)
thalai ullai suthings happening,new year is coming,confusion is flowing,in the freezer the tiramisu is waiting
and finally james marsden is all fitted in into ma D-the-V-the-D..full on jhollu i am to be intending to do i say..and finally will put the on firsht time for public appearance ma poto...but maybe wonly eyes or nose...naat to worry both clean (yeww gross)am not liking myself...smell of burnt popcorn-nauseating machan-waiting for coffee break aalso...oh whatte whatte way to end new year...and finally me the gotted haffiness for writing in my 20th post for this year...ibadeebajeebies i say!!!
a very very haffy and jing chak new year to you alls!!!!

The year in 3 parts- here's part 3 (no more days to go...just waiting for the night to pass)

so here we come to the end of a year as well as the last part of ma pseudo-trilogy...phew!!!what an exercise this has been for me...laughing at myself, sometimes smirking, sometimes wondering if it really was me and so on and so forth...so dahlings without much ado here comes the remaining four months of this year September-December '08

• a lil flashback here (sorry!!!) just a few month prior to September i had convinced myself that i could be a stylist...and i continued nurturing this conviction all the way to September when i realized that it wasn't going to materialize
  
• i became an expert at watching the ellen de generes show, the oprah winfrey show, jimmy kimmel live(i hate him totally) and every possible talk show that star world, zee cafe and hallmark were gracious enough to engulf my living room with
• i started practicing my technique of flirting which pretty much resulted in just one thing-FLOP SHOW;)
• met one hot boy which was some kinda saving grace this past year
• amicably had a complete break up with my ex
• found out that one of ma old exes knew another friend of mine and decided therefore that there is no such thing as six degrees of separation rather we now have two degrees of separation
• so according to the point above its no more a global village but is now a global hamlet and was very proud with my coinage of this new phenomenon
• started listening to tamizh music like there is no tomorrow
• realized that gay men made me feel really good and came closest to being what many people call 'best friends' (you see i don't believe in this whole best friend concept)
• started actually singing instead of my usual whining...this thou does not mean i can sing (think if i really practice in the bathroom the water might get clogged...so not even taking the risk)
• went back to teaching English to foreign students
• struck a deal with mom that by next year October i shall be in a relationship (yea right!!!shortlisting the queue lined outside ma house seeking ma hand in financial support i.e. called marriage also will take me well over two years..what does mimi know??? )
• and oh i didn't find them at fabmall thou a close acquaintance suggested i check shopper's stop...maybe sometime early next year (hmmmm am thinking tomorrow ;)
• made a genuine attempt to understand people

hmmm...don't have patience to write anymore...today's the 31st of december '08...and what's happened to me? this is me now- single, hitting early mid life in 6 months, still on the lookout for a job, mimi has taken the deal seriously and so i better get started on ma manhunt, quite broke on new year's eve, planning to watch 27 Dresses and binge on Tiramisu..sounds like a plan to ye all eh?most welcome to join but make sure it's tonight...not planning to leave any tiramisu for tomorrow...until next year ma dear pattanees...mmuuuuahhhh

The year in 3 parts- here's part 2 (2 more days to go for the big '09)

hmmm...ma numbers seem to be all over the place...first i realized that including the 28th it had to be four days to '09...then i got confused all over again with the numbers...and then the internet was down yesterday and i was bloody low that i lost out on a day and then i realized again that i actually lost it for a good reason...anyway now that am here might as well start writing what i came here for...from may-august---

• this was the peak in ma life at the old agency where frustration hit me hard that i almost reeled over
• made decision to quit and escape the clutches of a frustrated woman battling hormones and a weird mid life crisis
  
• june i was finally outta the company
• went to goa for a holiday...went crazy..had sugar rush and a lot happened (now don't go about imagining stuff sweet peas!!!nuthing much happened thou i can safely say a lot happened ;)
  
• left bangalore and moved into chennai for two months
• living with old people, eating yummy homemade food made by granny, cracking jokes with thathu, teaching him-a 75 year old man how to use the net and navigate thru yahoo mail and g mail, working on an office space, a trip to the beach accompanied by lil bites of raw mangoes
• slowly getting into the rythm of flirting with men
• revelling in wonderful tamizh music
• discovering i could after all get tanned and also be sun burnt
• endless evening at koshy's..cups and cups of chai, plates and plates of smileys, bizzare and pointless conversations-the only ones that could bring a smile on our otherwise wan face
• discovering the existence of the meow meow and the woof woof types of men

hmmm a lot happened these four months that might not interest many..but to me this was the time i spent in getting to know myself all over again...getting in touch with myself...the me that was lost in the PR job...enjoying simple pleasures of life-walking on the beach, getting wet in the auto due to rains, getting lost in a city that is new to you but is the city you hail from, seeing gorgeous old iyer and iyengar pattis in beautiful and colorful sarees with traditional diamond ear rings and nose rings...the temple bells ringing in the evening..and finally an overwhelming sense of pride that i hail from this beautiful city- 'CHENNAI'
until tomorrow for the last post of the year...nite nite dahlings!!!!!

The year in 3 parts- here's part 1 (3 more days to go for the big '09)

was just wondering why not start this countdown of sorts till the new year...anyway it is the 28th of December '08 already...which also means lil writing...but what do i write besides 3 days to go and so on so forth?so i have decided to break the year into three parts with 4 months each and see how much can i recount of what i went through this past year....so let's start with January- April---

• i was quite unhappy at the beginning of the year '08
• i didn't like the idea of turning 24, 6 months down the line
• i started hating my job with the beginning of Feb coz that's when the bitch came back to ma company
• i finally found out that i had indeed earned a good name with the CMD of my company and with my international clients- was a great morale booster
• i was still reeling over the fact that i was still single..it had been 3-4 months since my last break up and i hadn't even flirted with a man
• i was working out like a maniac and realized that i was falling in love with myself (how narcissistic of me!!!) feeling light, being able to sit in autos with other people without feeling absurdly weird and guilty about having the widest arse and feeling feminine all over-mmmm was beautiful
• i made a conscious effort to read more books and unearthed the bookworm in me back to life to bask in the light and joy that only books could have ever given me
• i was still silently grieving over the loss of my lil one, my dog simba the previous October and trying to adjust to these strong moments of intuition that got stronger post his passing (i still miss u ma love :( )
• i got obsessed with CSI, CSI:NY,CSI:Miami. NCIS, Bones, Criminal Minds and Ghost Whisperer
• i started disliking cooking with a renewed passion
• i shopped for new clothes like there was no tomorrow because it always gave me a kick to try out a size M and not a size Xl
• i stopped worrying about boys and what they want to see in us women...went about living like living in a bubble (though in hindsight today i feel like i did indeed waste some precious time coz today am still single ..)
• march and april drove me crazy coz the bitch at work wouldn't let me be
• but the two months also saw me making new friends and spending some great time with the old ones strengthening our bonds and our friendship
• i met strangers on the net and have established contact with them since
• i finally went to the dentist and got ma teeth back in order

and thus spent the first four months of the year...now that this has been documented can't wait to see how different the first four months of 2009 are going to be
until tomorrow...ciao

what's with men and me??????

i can't stand his face anymore...what was i thinking...he is young..not from this country and in all probabilities in need of a replacement mother figure and there i was flirting with him like there is no tomorrow...i wonder if i am my most favorite person anymore...i doubt that very much...what came over me is a mystery but now i have to reap what i have sown...the good news though is the fact that i can still flirt...the bad news still remains the same- i only pick the wrong men...i was bloody this close to picking a wrong one all over again...thank god i got into my 'black man' phase...
yea yea please go ahead and be presumptuous about me being racist but guess what- this time i just might not refute that claim though for reasons unfathomable to you all...i will not accept to being a racist for the use of the word black to describe my new phase when it comes to men...but i do believe am at least partially racist when it comes to the white men...i have recently realized that i possess absolutely zero levels of tolerance when it comes to them and have these quirkish notions about them such as white men are the smelly ones, probably the men who do no wash their underwear after each use...i know i sound mad or weird or wacko but hey i cannot deny what i feel and this is what i feel about these men...
so its all about that beautiful black skin, glistening and smooth, complimented by the pearly whites and those intense and deep and black gorgeous eyes...eyes that can see right through and throw spotlight on you soul or eyes that are mischevious teasing you with those come hither looks or taunting you knowing exactly what kinda effect it has on you...the chiseled face with a smile that reaches the eyes...a voice of such deep baritone luxe quality that it would even have the men around swooning....mmmmm!!!guess have just verbally painted the man of my dreams...
sadly though such men aren't available in the market anymore and whats left i think are these cheap imitations of what men used to be...and also an overgrown imitation of how boys are...nah!!!i wouldn't be conceited enough to generalise all men but if i tell 9/10 men turn out to be the way i have described them above, am sure you can digest my consesus better now...why such bitterness?hmmm lets see...i have a 21 year old aquaintance of a friend who thinks asking me bluntly to date him is the most romantic thing a girl dreams of all her life or be it the 30+ man who i have started getting a feeling is starting to stalk me who again showers compliments that i don't just get drenched but am just an inch away from getting drowned by them or the teenager boy who is so bloody infatuated it's now FUBAR...
i am somehow the magnet for all these freakazoids and wonder how it all happened...yet somewhere deep down i don't wanna blame anybody or more precisely any man coz at the end of the day i am a very difficult and complicated person to be with..i find it sometimes difficult to cope with myself..so no, i don't blame them...but here's the deal boys!!!when you know somewhere mid way that you are dealing with someone or something in an all together different league than your own, you should put the car in reverse gear and go back the way you came in a dignified manner..trying too hard does not work with most women and sadly for you guys i fall into the most women category...so please give us some breathing space ... PHEW!!!

C.J.'s adventures with evil Dwight and his equally evil twin EDT

the day- 17th November '08...
an 'oh-it's-you' look, a warm hug, a wannabe debate on whether to go to PECOS or not, a bike ride of laughter and later the silencer getting 'hump'ed adding to the laughter-riot, and finally PECOS...inside PECOS- the dimly lit space, i-think-Rajesh happy to see Dwight and introduced to C.J., glugging down mugs of beer interspersed by well decided smokes, Leonard Cohen, Ringo Starr, Jimi Hendrix and other such 'mere mortals' watching us and giving us the possible company they could and finally the desi-'Nachis' as Dwight called it...this could well be considered the perfect Utopian setting for some great camaraderie...
surprisingly, at least was a surprise to C.J. who pleasantly discovered that she didn't have to torment her grey matter to keep the conversation alive, the conversation just flowed...no efforts demanded by either...an easy and fluid accomodation into each other's spaces...conversations being easy, funny, tipsy, pompous (Dwight sure was) and a whole load of 'heartfelt' teasing and 'I-have-to-be-mean-to-C.J.' trip accompanying them...while C.J. guilessly was convinced a great camaraderie was in the making, His Royal Highness Dwight takes the liberty of assigning the duty of marking that particular day, time and place...time I have forgotten and admit am as guilty as charged...date and venue we all know by now...
why the day and date important? to remember that seven years from then the self proclaimed a man of his words HRH Dwight will be a celebrity in his own right, signing more than 35 autographs at any given point of time...a famous celebrity so famous that he will have no other choice but to admit that he does require the skill set and talent of C.J. to help him manage his career...at which point hopefully C.J. hasn't developed a hunchback of responsibilities and is able to squeeze in some time to accomodate poor ol' Dwight...
back to the evening...a fun evening that turned out to be 'funner' with the arrival of Dwight's equally evil twin who shall be referred to as Ek-Do-Teen ...it was an evening filled with verbalized dreams, jokes, taunts, soul-bearing snippets, singing good ol' Tamizh songs looking into each others' eyes and of course the whole 'Ass Grabbing' issue...
here goes...Dwight with Ek-Do-Teen(EDT) are busy making this huge issue of how C.J. has apparently 'molested' poor Dwight and grabbed his arse (prefer the British you see)...so C.J. initially behaved the lady she is born into being and tried refuting the ridiculous claims...but today in hindsight C.J. understands that it was her indignation that had them on a roll..so when the first tactic didn't work, C.J. realizes that plan B has to executed...a very logical point she had to make...C.J.'s point was she could never have and can never grab Dwight's arse coz, for one to grab something, that 'something' has to be visible...but boys being boys Dwight and twin EDT nullified the point by the statement that Dwight actually had his assets right but the clothes he had on were not justifying what he had...now C.J. is left with just one choice...having clearly understood that if and when boys decide to talk about 'a' particular topic there's pretty much nothing one can do to stop them...but while they are at it, one might as well give them something to talk about...it seems fair enough to live up to their accusations, right?so after maintaining some silence for a while, C.J. grabbed HIS arse...the deed was done and all the talk that had to happen can happen now...
this moment was the moment that made C.J. feel very much the liberated woman of today...an experience so good and so much fun C.J. might enjoy doing it again ;) EDT was right...grabbing Dwight's arse really transformed C.J. into a liberated woman though one doubts if Dwight might have enjoyed it at all coz you see C.J. reminds Dwight a lot of his aunt, a resemblance that overwhelms him so much that he has to mention it at least twice every time they meet...so for all we know 'it' might have been spooked by the feeling of an aunt-like grabbing its arse..poor Dwightu!!!
back at the 'tea-table' - my midget and EDT in a heated discussion, Dwight yawning on my face like there's no tomorrow and like it was the most gentlemanly thing to do and bizarre conversations...at a glance the evening is like a blur of wonderful colors, sounds, words and emotions...a closer look reveals the Jing-Chak beauty of details that might have you wanting to join C.J, Dwight and EDT's adventures next time 'round.............